Come Out of Hiding

I recently read this caricature of a people-pleaser: "She assumes whatever strong personalities she meets up with. She is a chameleon. She changes color, accent, shape, as the world about her changes. She has no ideas or opinions of her own; she simply conforms. She wants only to be safe, to fit in, to be accepted, to be liked."

As I read this caricature, I recognized myself in it. Particularly the need to feel safe. I believe the desire to feel safe is God-given. God desires that we find our security in Him. He promises to be our Refuge. For most of us, we do seek our security in Christ until it is threatened. The moment we feel insecure, we choose to self-protect. Self- protection manifests itself in a variety of ways such as sarcasm, an obsession with maintaining a glittering external image at all costs, or, even the subtle ways, we avoid direct communication in relationships and instead hedge, waffle, procrastinate, or remain silent out of fear of rejection. Does this sound familiar?

In my life, the more I receive God's unconditional love for me, the more able I am to trust Jesus, allowing Him to remove the shroud of perfectionist performance that I often hide behind when I feel insecure.

It is important for each of us to know how we manifest our insecurity and how we feel when we are safe, secure in Christ's love for us. We want to move toward security in Christ, choosing to live out of this Reality daily.

For me, when I am secure in Christ, I believe in my heart that God likes and accepts me completely as I am. When I feel safe, I don't have to hide or distract myself with books, music, ice cream or working out. I am comfortable with His light shinning into my darkest places. I can live in the present moment, not escaping into the past or projecting into the future. When I am secure in Christ, I am at peace, not nervous or jittery. I do not need to impress or dazzle others to feel accepted. I do not seek attention from others in order to boost my self-esteem. I am calm, unafraid, not anxious about what happens next or how others perceive me.

My own journey has taught me that only when I am secure with God do I feel safe in my own skin. God created us to desire a security that only He can fill.

Adventures with an Air Mattress

(Katie)

Its been a while........since our last post we:

• Spent a week in Minnesota
• Celebrated our 1 year anniversary with 300 family members & friends eating gelato and dancing
• Saw U2 in concert
• James bare foot water skied for the first time
• Thanks to our family and friends' generosity we Pottery-Barreled our apartment and got entirely outfitted at REI for an upcoming Fall adventure!
• I started my 2nd year as a Graduate Resident Assistant (GRA) at Wheaton College

As I transitioned from Summer mode back into my job, I felt surprisingly comfortable. I've graduated from being the person perpetually lost on campus trying to find different buildings to successfully navigating my way around campus. I no longer have to look up each Residence Life acronym (SRC, BGC) but they are now part of my daily language. Our home is established. Its my refuge. I also no longer feel tossed to and fro by the rhythm of Residence Life, but have grown in my ability to be adaptable and available. It feels good to feel competent and comfortable. Perhaps too good, which is perhaps why God needed to remind me that I'm still desperately dependent on Him. This is where the air mattress pictured above enters the story.

The day I successfully cleaned, organized and Pottery-Barreled our entire apartment, I learned that we had to move out the next day for an entire two weeks. Summer projects in our Residence Hall resulted in the loss of air conditioning, hot water, and electricity for two-weeks. In one phone conversation, I went from feeling settled-in to nomadic. I had one day to pack the essentials for our move. As a high J on Myers-Briggs, I don't do unplanned change very well, so all I could pray was "God, HELP!"

As I packed, I found myself looking at some pictures of James in Africa, sitting with some orphans in the dirt, each person full of joy. In contrast, I was sitting on the comfortable carpet of my apartment, anxious and overwhelmed. Compared to the reality of the beautiful faces in that photo, James and I would have AC the next two-weeks to survive the 90 degree heat wave. We would have the comforts of electricity and hot water. These three realities are more than what 90% of the world lives with.

How do we cultivate thanksgiving in the midst of circumstances that disrupt our sense of comfort? How do we open our eyes to see the reality of the big picture, when we are stuck in the details?

My husband models that thanksgiving is a choice. We can choose joy and a ready sense of humor as we enter into the adventure of eating with plastic silverware and sleeping on an air mattress..even when the pump dies half-way through trying to inflate it =-) We can choose to receive this invitation to learn that God is ultimately our Comfort and our Shelter. Whatever unforeseen circumstances you find yourself in this upcoming week, I pray that you would enter into them with thanksgiving and joy! Perhaps, you will discover, as I did this morning, that God provides all that we need AND contentment and peace is available through Christ in all of our circumstances...we must choose to receive it!

I love the way you love her...

One of the greatest Joys for me as a husband is to see other people love my wife well.

This past year, in midst of some very large transitions, God has provided some incredible friends and community for Katie and I. Specifically, I have been so honored and refreshed to see women invest in and become interested in the life and well being of Katie. Katie has at times shared with me that she can feel unknown and misunderstood. No matter how hard I try to understand, know and pursue my wife, I have limits as a man, as a husband, and as a person. Praise the Lord that God has not called me to be everything for my wife; although I have to admit there are times when I try.

I can't tell you the joy that it brings me to watch other women draw Katie out, affirm her innate beauty, admire her giftings, trust her heart, and share in her joy, pain, sorrow and laughter. I love to watch Katie in conversation with people when they finish each other's sentences, exclaim in the truths that are being unearthed, and when they even cry with each other. How cool!

I will also say, because I know the same is true for me with my friends. When a person feels known, in general, when a person feels supported, and when someone's life speaks to another, "You are not crazy. You are not alone. I enjoy you." There is a great deal of peace that permeates through all of that person's relationships. I know that Katie often times doesn't understand me. Let's admit it, I can be a complicated being. But the beauty is, she doesn't have to! And when I take that pressure off of her, there is a lot more opportunity to get to know me because we are both at peace in the process.

So thank you to all of you who have taken the time to get to know my wife. She, I know, appreciates it, and so do I!

Which direction does your life point?

Recently, my husband received a compliment that stuck with me. My friend said, “James’ life points UP.” Four simple words revealed the primary purpose of my husband’s life: God glorified. This compliment caused me to ask the question which direction does my life point?

This week, a friend received the opportunity of a lifetime- go to Hillsong, Australia for 11 days to attend a worship conference. All expenses paid. This is a worship leader’s dream come true. For most of us, this would be an immediate Facebook “status” update. Not for my friend. His life is not about inflating his own self-importance.

A couple weeks ago, another friend announced that the focus of her blog was going to be about highlighting other people living radically for God. Sara quit her job, sold most of her belongings, and said goodbye to family and community in order to move across country to Las Vegas to help plant a church. I'm sure that is the definition of radical, yet, she is choosing to exalt the faithfulness of others, rather than herself.

On Saturday morning, I went on an hour run with a new friend. She initiated asking me intentional questions about my life and took time to hear my heart. She simply listened more than she spoke about herself. The focus did not have to be about her in order for her to be content.

I have a friend whose FB status always points others to Christ in the form of verses or inspirational quotes. This is a stark contrast to majority of statuses which exalt self, focusing on my life, what I did for date night, and who I spent time with.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself; but thinking of yourself less often. These people, in different contexts, think about themselves less often. Their life points towards something other than themselves. Which way does your life point?