[James] This evening Katie and I went for a walk through the neighborhood. Now, although there are no mountains, rivers, valleys or oceans in this neck of the woods, the trees are undeniably spectacular, especially in autumn. I love the changing of the seasons and the sense that something new is coming.
Recently I have been finding myself in a brand new season; 26, married, working full time, a "home", living apart from my immediate family, and in so many ways growing in ways that I have never been stretched before. In this season, I am shedding many leaves of my youth and learning to stand as a man. Within the pile of leaves collecting beneath my limbs lie selfish ambition, laziness, sleeping in, excuses, foolish finances, and mood-driven decisions and actions. I believe that, in time, these leaves will be replaced with even greater growth and God will cause me to grow stronger, more steadfast and solid. However the process of inner growth is painful.
One of the things that I have committed to do over this past year, and I have now recommitted more recently is spending time with God each morning. I believe that it is He alone that deserves my first fruits. It is He who will give me strength and vision to face a day. I also know that spending time with God in the morning before anyone else has risen and the business of the day have swept over the land, I will be able to best find nourishment in the quiet. Regardless, the sheer discipline required to wake up in the mornings long before I would "have to" get up in order to make it to work in time is difficult. As much as I would love to speak of the double-portion of energy that God gives me each day, which I often feel, it is largely tiresome. Between the road-trips home several times this past month, trying to exercise several times a week, keeping sacred our date nights, and then being present here on the campus, I am felling it.
The trade off, worth every early morning, is that I get to spend time with a God that lavishly pours out His love on me. Period. He is so worth it.
The trade off, worth every morning, is that I get to work in the midst of an economy that is leaving many people out of work. I get to earn an income for Katie and I and our future family.
The trade off is that I am becoming more authentically who God has designed me to be. I am becoming a man more and more each day. I am learning to lay down my selfish ambitions, lay aside my lackadaisical ways to become a man of purpose, mission and discipline. And so, like the autumn season, there is a sense of something coming, and it is I who is arriving, and who is already here. Each day I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I know that where He takes me tomorrow is without doubt where I am to be.
Still me... the same old tree... same me... different leaves.
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