Christlikeness or Clone?

(Katie) Last night, James and I hosted apartment tours in which the incoming freshman in Fischer come into our home to meet us. The evening is a bit intimidating in that 400 students analyze you and your home. There are hundreds of eyes watching you, which, for an introvert, is quite uncomfortable. Trying to focus on my simple introduction is challenging when I am easily distracted analyzing people's non-verbals. It is also humbling when students don't laugh at your jokes, not to mention awkward (still have a lot to learn from James in this area). At the end of each tour, there are always male students that flock to James- high-fives all around, ready to be his best friend. Duh, my husband is amazing. Female students, on the other hand, usually comment on the decor of our house, similarities in taste, and even though my jokes flopped, express interest in getting to know me.

At the end of the night, I noticed the temptation towards an inflated self-esteem from internalizing the students' flattering comments. As my mind was replaying the various words of encouragement, I suddenly heard the statement, BE CAREFUL, rise up in my Spirit. As a leader, I must constantly guard against the temptation to internalize the praise and affirmation of those following me. Whether or not you are in an official leadership role, you also possess influence over those around you and most likely have someone following you.

As I seek to steward my leadership for the Kingdom, I must continually ask the question, are the people following me looking more like Jesus or Katie-clones? We've all seen the extreme example of followers whose speech, blogs, pictures, and lifestyle mimic their leader. Unfortunately, their respect and honor for the leader has become distorted. They have lost their own voice and compromised living out the unique manifested presence of Jesus in them. I am weary of any Christian leader that entertains an entourage of clones rather than people becoming more Christ-like.

In my own life, I have the upmost respect for my mentor Vivian. I am drawn to and inspired by Christ-in-her. But, she has always encouraged me to be Katie. She celebrates and honors my unique God-given design.

As a leader, I must be secure enough in my identity in Christ to challenge any follower that would be tempted to become me or put me on a pedestal. I pray that my leadership would point people towards God and that I would bring them into an encounter Christ-in-them.

Solitude

"With the people I love the most, I can sit in silence indefinitely. We need both for our full development; the joy of the sense of sound; and the equally great joy of its absence."

I read this quote from Madeleine L'Engle this morning and it resonated with my experience-James and I sitting at opposite ends of our couch, sharing a blanket and coffee, separately immersed in the Word (Him) and alternating between books in my stack (Me). Like my mom, I cherish the sacredness of solitude and thankfully, James is like-hearted with me. After spending time in solitude and introspection, we share, we listen, we laugh, we accept. Our ability to share this sacred space together is something that I cherish about our marriage and even more, I take special delight in that James is also my best friend in whom I can play with the enthusiasm and whole-heartedness of a child. Both are important and gifts in our marriage.

On Love and Faithfulness

(Katie) I've spent the last two days interacting with and watching parents move their freshman children into college. On one level, its pure chaos. 600 students moving all of their belongings into a building simultaneously. But beneath the surface of Room Condition Forms, bed pegs, boxes, and room keys, I am struck by the love and faithfulness of parents. My parents, like so many I observed today, moved heavy boxes up flights of stairs, made multiple trips to Target, lofted bunk beds, executed the perfect furniture set up, and gave that essential impromptu lesson on how to do laundry =-). Unfortunately, I recognized myself in some of the students who failed to notice and appreciate these simple acts of faithfulness. How often do we fail to see and appreciate the faithfulness of those around us?

Faithfulness. What does it mean? Do we even value it in our fast-paced, image oriented culture? I understand faithfulness as "being there"- when and where you are needed in order to do what has to be done. Faithfulness is not flashy. It rarely gets lifted up. It is often not observable or even interesting. But "being there"- is something that my parents have been for me my entire life, regardless of circumstances. Faithfulness is incalculable and immeasurable. It is more valuable than diamonds. And, "being there" is of high value to God, even if it isn't to us.

Today, in the midst of the move-in chaos, I found myself rejoicing and giving thanks for faithful, sweaty parents. Although, like all of us, they aren't perfect, they can, in their role, point us to God by faithfully "being there" when needed. And when faithfulness occurs, my Spirit rejoices with gratitude because its rare and right, revealing the heart of God. And today, I am reminded once again how grateful I am for my parents' "being there" for me, freshman year college move-in and over the past 27 years of my life.

Who do you need to thank for "being there?"

Why my wife is a better looser than I am.

Katie challenges me to be an all around better person in a number of ways. This is one of the reasons that I have found marriage to be God's perfect plan for us to grow more into the likeness of Christ. When I was single, I was able to get along so much more selfishly and immaturely. I could be in a bad mood when I wanted to be in a bad mood, I could lose my cool when I wanted to lose my cool, and I could withdraw from people when I wanted to withdraw from people.

One of the ways that Katie has been challenging me and God has been humbling me has been in our tennis game. Katie has been playing tennis for a number of years and is a real Serena Williams... kind of. It has been truly fun to learn from Katie and to grow in my self control. Tennis has raised every kind of temperamental skeleton that has yet to be residing in my closet. Friends and family of mine will sometimes refer to my younger days when I use to lose my cool over video games and golf. I even deemed the nickname "Golfer James" by my brother Shawn.

Recently while playing tennis with my friend Aaron, I found myself beginning to blow off some steam. Aaron too was getting frustrated with himself. I was realizing that our competitive and stubborn natures were only playing off of each other and robbing us of the joy we should be having. As I found myself praying for the spiritual fruit of Self Control, I had the idea that every time I wanted to cuss or throw a racquet, I was going to immediately thank God for something or sing his praises. So, it started out painfully difficult. I had to force the words out of my mouth. Soon though, I found it becoming easier and easier to do. As I took my mind off of myself and my frustration with my lack of performance, and turned my eyes to the many blessings that I have received, I found myself to be free and full of joy!

Aaron and I had a great number of laughs as we were literally shouting out loud, "Thank you Jesus for trees!". The more frustrated I felt, the louder I would shout, "Hallelujah" at the top of my lungs. There were even some women near by in the park who, I am sure, were overhearing us. How good it felt to know that my testimony would be one of "crazy man praising Jesus" rather than "out of control soar-loser with a vulgar tongue". Soon, our whole tennis game turned around and we were having fun, encouraging one another and laughing at how ridiculous my a' cappella versions of  worship songs sounded.

I couldn't wait to bring back this revelation to the courts with Tennis. Although I had yet to win a whole set with Katie, I was determined to loose with Joy this time! Ironically, yesterday was the first set with Katie that I won. (I would say it was because she had run earlier that day and was tired from a long week.) Katie, in light of the results immediately congratulated me, encouraged me and celebrated my victory, WOW!

Thank you Jesus for Katie!... and trees.

Ever Present Shepherd

"The Lord is My Shepherd, I Shall Not Want" (Psalm 23)

I spent the past week in the woods of Northern Wisconsin at Honey Rock, a camp owned by Wheaton College. Each August, every Wheaton student leader gathers for an entire week of prayer, vision casting, play, and worship. Its incredible to be surrounded by 200 passionate campus leaders that are devoted to Jesus and serving the student body.

One facet of Honey Rock is an overnight adventure in the wilderness with your team. I confess that this is the day that I most dread. While my husband feels very "at home" in the woods, I am not as comfortable, especially when he isn't present. I feel safe camping with my husband because he is extremely capable. Since he wasn't able to come to Honey Rock, I found myself agonizing about the overnight. On the morning of the our overnight, I went for an early morning run and found myself praying that God would help me as I did not know how lead others in a context in which I feel incapable, inexperienced, and unknowledgeable. Secretly, I hoped God would answer my prayer by sending severe thunderstorms so the trip would be canceled entirely. Instead, God sent perfect weather and used Psalm 23 to assure me that He is my Shepherd and would fulfill my needs.

Instead of hiking, our team opted for a two-hour canoe ride to our campsite. As an avid runner, I can hike for miles, but I have no upper body strength! I started the trip very aware of my weakness as I took frequent breaks from canoeing while my students showed incredible endurance. As the discomfort in my arms increased, I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that the campsite would be familiar. Our team camped there last year. It was a typical campsite, with a cleared area for tents and the campfire. The setup was quite simple. I started feeling more peace as I saw our campsite in the distance when much to my surprise, our canoe stopped on the shores of a bluff. Change of plans. We would be camping on the bluffs this year. As we unloaded the packs and ascended the hill to the campsite, I was shocked to discover that our "campsite" was the forest. There was no space cleared for a campfire or tents, instead, there were bushes and trees everywhere. Perhaps this was a mistake. While I had no vision for how we could create a campsite, some of my students suggested that we could flatten some ferns and set up tents on top of them. This took my camping experience to an entire new level and thus, way out of my comfort zone. I appointed one of my students as the leader and she proceeded to teach myself and four other female RAs how to set up a tent. An hour later, it was incredible to see how this wooded area had been transformed into a campsite with 4 tents and a beautiful fire pit. Furthermore, we did not see any mosquitoes which is unheard of, especially being in the woods.

The overnight revealed that I find too much comfort and safety in feeling strong, capable, and adequate. I often despise my weakness. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, does not despise my weakness. My weakness stirs His compassion. He yearns to help. Rather than struggling to disguise or deny weakness (my tendency), God wants us to come to Him when we are weak and weary. As I learned on my overnight, God desires to richly bless us through our weakness, revealing that He is our ever-present Shepherd.

My Role in Ministry

This afternoon, the 12 Fischer Resident Assistants (RAs) arrive! I've eagerly anticipated their arrival all week as we've prepared the building, created welcome posters, and finalized training schedules.

As I've prayed into this year, the verse that I am praying for myself is Isaiah 61:

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
² to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor.

While these verses are packed with active verbs, it is crucial to make a distinction between my role and God's. It is my role to declare, in faith, God's goodness. God takes action. God is the Good News. God binds the broken hearts. God releases the captives, setting them free.

I am learning that my role in ministry is to identify with others' pain, not relieve it. Only as I embrace my own brokenness can I enter into others' pain. Ministry is therefore, sharing, not dominating; understanding, not theologizing; caring, not fixing.

My prayer is that as each of us respond to the urgent crisis' of others, that we do not neglect the essential- God is the Good News. He binds the brokenhearted. He releases the captives into Freedom. We are called to enter in, identify with, and proclaim the goodness of God as Healer, Redeemer, and Prince of Peace!