Have you learned to love?

(Katie) Last night for date night, James and I decided to enjoy the beautiful Fall evening and bike into town for dinner. Throughout the evening, we kept discussing what it means to love people who are really hard to love. As we talked, James helped me to see how often my love is quite calculated. I meticulously weigh the possibility of getting  hurt. Often, I am more focused on ME and protecting myself than actually extending LOVE.

Love is costly and requires great courage. Daily, we are each faced with the choice to leave our hearts on the shelf and maybe spare ourselves some pain. My husband is someone who models God's mandate to love very well. James willingly risks his heart to love people, knowing the depth of their brokenness. Even when he knows he will be disappointed, heartbroken, and that his love will not be reciprocated, James refuses to hold back love.I know that God desires to free each of us so that we can love others without the costly preoccupation of having to pose and protect ourselves. 

C.S Lewis says it well, "love anything and your heart will surely be wrung." You would think that such bending and stretching- such suffering would do you in. But risky love works by inverse principle. Somehow our hearts become larger in the process. The more we love, the more we are able to love. We are not depleted, by strangely replenished. We are set free. Given more love. As David says in the psalms, "I will run the way of thy commandments, and thou shalt enlarge my heart!" 

I can't begin to imagine what Jesus will ask us when we get to Heaven someday. But, I imagine as we sit with Him and look over our life, the one question He will ask us is: Did you learn to love?

As someone whose fear of rejection, abandonment, and getting hurt can often hold me back from loving those who I know will hurt me, I am grateful that my husband pushes me to take the risk...to put the walls down... and trust that God will not only protect my heart in the process, but He will enlarge my heart.

Body Building

[James] Over the past year, God has been challenging me to spend more time with him. He has been calling me to make him the priority, the focal point and the starting point in my day. 

Although I have been raised in the church and have been taught about a hundred different ways to pray or to spend time with God, I found myself recently completely at a loss as to how to spend time with Him. I found that I was without direction or vision for what my time with God should look like. I knew that there were so many things that I wanted to bring to the Lord, but no organization as to how that would look.

....

About 7 years ago, my friend Ryan and I wanted to start hitting the gym. We were both hoping to get into better shape, put on a few lbs and to be more fit for the things that we loved to do, namely skiing. So we hit the gym. I had up until that point walked into the gym, tried a few things that I was familiar with, or at least things that I knew I wouldn't look like a fool doing. I was mostly focused on the outward appearing muscles because those are often thought to be the definition of fitness; biceps, abs, and pecs. I never really got anywhere. I stayed pretty much the same in size shape and ability. 

Ryan, being the researcher, did some searching and eventually found a routine that was started with a body builder back in the 70's named Bill Star. Although I knew nothing about Bill Star, I assumed he was stronger than I and worthy of having a notable "routine". So we began the routine, and it included things that felt extremely unnatural and painful at times. Some of the exercises that we did were foreign to most of the gym rats. We received a lot of weird looks that first year. The specific thing that this routine did for Ryan and I was it built a core and it gave us a disciplined direction. We were not longer gym-mice running around from machine to machine hoping to put on some aesthetic muscle, we were intentional and focused. The routine began to pay off and as we continued to commit to it, we found ourselves getting stronger and fitter. Today the core strength that I have put on over those first few years endured and provides an incredible base each time I enter into a season of lifting, skiing or exercising. 

...

After waking up several times to spend time with the Lord and having no idea where to go or what to do, I became frustrated. I found myself trying to pray but being overwhelmed because I had so much to pray for and no idea how to use my time. In the midst of my frustration and struggle, God sent an answer to my hearts desire. Michael, my mentor told me that he would love to have me join him one morning to see how he spends time with God. Immediately I jumped to the opportunity. He came over one morning this past week and shared with me a gold mine of the spiritual kind. What Michael gave me was not "the answer" to finding intimacy with God. What he gave me was not "the only way" to spend time with God. What Michael gave me was "a" way that really spoke to me and helped me. It was simple and yet complete. I will share it, briefly, with you...

• Begin with worship (2-3 songs) to enter into the presence of God. To set your heart in the right place. This is like the cardio of our spiritual exercise. 
• Recite 2-3 passages aloud that are specific to you in that season. Don't have one? Pray for them. Listen for them. Start with simple ones that you know. These verses may change with seasons.
• Spend time in prayer using the Lords Prayer as your model. 
• Our Father - List out the names of God and bold the ones that are specific to you in that season. Ex. "Jevoah Jireh" means the Lord will provide (Gen 22:13-14). Give thank and praise for the way that God has shown himself/or needs to show himself to you in this season.
• Thy Kingdom Come - Pray for the Kingdom to come in your life, your spouses life, your families life, your friends lives, your church, your community, your business, your city, your country and our world. (Michael writes out specific needs and prayers for each category so as to keep track of all the people and situations, or to remember the people that you have committed to pray for)
• Give us this day - petitioning to God your immediate needs for that day
• Forgive us our trespasses - seeking forgiveness, confessing sin, asking for conviction for sin, forgiving others who have wronged us
• Lead us not into temptation - praying for your own weaknesses and blind spots, like an athlete who records their own performance, making yourself more award of the areas in which you are weak and praying for God's specific guidance and protection in those areas
• For thine is the Kingdom... closing your time of prayer. 
• Scripture - reading 2-3 chapters of the word each day. With the amount of revelation that has been given to us through God's Holy Scriptures, there is no excuse to not be reading from the Bible each day. 
• Journaling - record your reactions, revelations that God gave you, or the questions that are burning on your heart.
• Waiting - waiting upon the Lord in silent meditation. Give time and space for God to speak to your heart. Michael claims that the time required to hear the voice of God get's shorter and shorter the more that he does this. By this time in his devotions he has already worshiped, prayed and spent time in the word, hearing God's voice usually happened at some point along the way. 
• Personal declarations - speaking out loud declarations over your life in the following areas; Personal, Relational, Professional and Public. Again Michael writes these out which is new to me, but I like that he has specific words of truth and promises to himself that he speaks before he begins his day. I am still in the process of writing these. An example might look like, "I will seek to be the presence of Christ to those in my work place, reflecting His heart through my patience, joy and attitude."

Again, this is "a" model and "a" routine. I am eager to continue with this and would love anyone else to join me. It is taking me some time to write these things out and even more time to work my way up to the point where I have 1 hour or more set aside for all of this. Yet, completing it is not the goal. Spending time with God is. There is no time spent with God that will be fruitless or meaningless, but there will be ways that work better than others for each person. This is what I call "Body Building".

So, pray for me as I build my spiritual core, as I pursue discipline and consistency, and as I give more time for myself to be nourished by the one who is only able to bring me the nourishment that I need!

Thank you.

Blessed Are the Meek

(Katie) The point is not YOU- the Point is HIM. Let that sink in. The point is NOT YOU. He alone is worthy of glory. I was reminded of this truth again tonight. One of my RA's that I am mentoring invited me to speak to her floor of girls. I spent most of the afternoon praying about what God wanted me to share. I had some really great ideas, but God wanted to go in a different direction. A direction I didn't necessarily want to go because I was afraid of looking like a fool. I wanted to make a good impression. I am speaking to some of the smartest, most talented young women in the country. I wanted to appear well put together, intelligent, and relevant. But God desired for me to share from a place of weakness.

The way we deliver the Word is not supposed to exalt us, but JESUS. The more I walk with Jesus, I am learning that He is less concerned with me being powerful and more concerned with me being willing. Acts 17:6 encourages us to be pliable in the Master's hand because He wants to turn us upside down in order to turn the world upside down. God keeps saying, "Lay down more. Lay down." There is only ONE direction in ministry: lower still. Heidi Baker, a radical Jesus lover, put it this way: "If you are in a low place and not concerned about your position, whatever trickling presence of God is in the room, you will be low enough to receive it" (p. 49). Before I spoke tonight, we sang one of my favorite worship songs, "How He Loves Us" and as we sang, I was reminded that God's perfect love for me, casts out all fear. Therefore, if I know how much God loves me, my fear of looking like a fool; my fear of man; my fear of rejection- all of it is covered in God's love. I took a risk tonight, threw out my "glamorous notes," and spoke from the heart about the broken places that God is still at work redeeming in my life. And in His kindness, God used it.

Go Low.
Its NOT about YOU.
Its about HIM.
God's not looking for the gifted ones.
He wants someone whose willing....willing to go low.
Are you?
I'm still learning.

REST

(Katie) Rest. It seems to be THE word of my season. God keeps bringing it up over and over and over. I'm absolutely awful at it. I am much more of a 'Martha,' than a Mary but Jesus did say that it was Mary who had chosen the good part. After a loving nudge from Ann this morning, who is amazing at reminding me to bring all of my questions to the Lord, I decided to sit down and ask Jesus what it looks like for me to rest. Jesus, maybe I don't know myself as well as I thought, HELP! 

"The Lord is my Shepard.... He MAKES me LIE DOWN in green pastures. (Psalm 23:1-3)

Immediately this verse came to mind. I felt the Lord was putting emphasis on the word Shepard, as if to first invite me to consider the role of the Shepard. Shepard brings to mind adjectives like "care," "provision," and "tenderness." A good Shepard provides for the needs of His flock. Next, a question: Katie, do you trust me as YOUR Shepard? God's questions always get to the heart of the matter. Immediately, there was a YES in my Spirit and then the command to "lie down."

Last night, James and I had the privilege of listening to an incredible speaker from Bethel Church in Redding California. Seriously, check out what God is doing there. I am praying that God will someday send James and I there. Its amazing. Anyways, last night I received a prophetic word (encouragement from the Lord), part of which focused on my creativity and that I am a worshiper who should be singing. When I heard that part of the prophetic word, to be honest I laughed and assumed the man clearly had missed it. When I sat down, James looked at me communicating that he sees it in me. But, yet again, I am too prideful to believe that my husband could know me better than myself =-)

So back to this morning, as I am sitting in the command to "lie down" and feeling completely unaware as to how to do that. And then those two words from the night before come into my mind. Clearly not my thoughts as I laughed them off. Creativity and worship.  Those are my two keys as to how I enter into rest. Not running miles upon miles. Not filling my mind with another book. Not talking to a friend. So, I worshiped...with Cory Asbury on IHOP's live prayer room stream (seriously, check it out). In my apartment. Alone. For two hours. And, as awkward as that entire picture may seem, I absolutely LOVED every minute of it. 

Jesus, Lover of my soul,

Jesus, I will never let you go

You’ve taken me from the miry clay

You've set my feet upon the Rock, and now i know

I love you, I need you,

Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go

My Saviour, my closest friend,

I will worship you until the very end

I chose the picture above of James and I on our wedding day...in our green pasture...RESTING, together =-) Our relationship with God is like a dance, however, we are following His lead. Our primary job is to lean back and trust Him to direct us. We must learn to REST..to enter into His presence. If you're anything like me (very prideful), I dare you to ask the Lord how He created you to REST. I bet you'll be surprised. May you enter into His rest.

Prettylittlenotebook

(Katie) 


Something that is bringing me tremendous joy today is my new pretty, little, notebook that I bought today from my dear friend Ann Swindell. I want to plug her because she has got a gift. For those of you like me who LOVE writing and journaling, paper is like a love language to us. Ann's notebooks are unique and absolutely beautiful. Here are some pictures (below)

How cute is this inside page of a journal? These notebooks are very Anthropolgiesque (to make up a word). Seriously LOVE that store and I am convinced that this is the paper version of their line.

To check out more of Ann's incredible designs, here is her website: http://www.etsy.com/shop/prettylittlenotebook

James and I had SO much fun preparing a Fall soup for our double date with Ann & Michael last night. They've been a tremendous blessing to us as we are being discipled by them. Besides Jesus, my husband, paper, and coffee...there is nothing that brings me more joy than Saturday nights spent with good friends, good food, good games, and good conversation. 

Happy Sabbath!

Lying

[James] I encountered a strange thing this morning when a woman came in to have her membership adjusted. Essentially she was trying to add her daughter on to her health club membership. She began giving me a story about her history with us that would essentially qualify her for a savings of about $75. Because we keep such good records of our members, I always pull up their account along with payment history and all. What I found upon reviewing her profile is that she was flat out lying...

At the point when I realized that she was lying I could almost not look her in the eye. I guess you just don't encounter "adults" full on lying to you in the church setting, which I have been accustom to.

It made me ask myself about my own honesty and integrity in life and in the market place. I can't deny that I too am looking for ways to cut corners and save a buck, but what became so apparent through my experience is that our lives are testimonies; our actions speak of not what we do, but who we are. It's a character issue.

Sure we defend ourselves and justify ourselves, "well it's a corrupt company" or "I didn't vote for him anyway so I don't have to pay those taxes". I think this single principle is often times the hardest to live out as Christian. To be honest and consistent even when we assume no one is watching or assuming that we can get away with it without anyone noticing. It is the hardest thing to be honest and consistent when we feel justified and/or wronged. I can't imagine how 1 Peter 2:18 must have read for some slaves throughout the centuries...

"You who are slaves must accept the authority of your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you--not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel."

I mean why didn't Peter just flat out say, "SLAVERY IS WRONG"?

Maybe...just maybe... The Spirit knew that injustices were present and coming and the key to The Kingdom is not in principle and policies, but the condition of the heart. Submitting to seemingly ungodly authority is not fun. It is not easy. It is not even fair.

   ¹ "Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
       my chosen one in whom I delight;
       I will put my Spirit on him
       and he will bring justice to the nations.
 ² He will not shout or cry out,
       or raise his voice in the streets.
 ³ A bruised reed he will not break,
       and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
       In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; 

                                         -Isaiah 42:1-3

LEAVE

(Katie) I am relishing the quiet of this Saturday morning....sipping on my french press..snuggled up in my favorite chair....reflecting on a wonderful Breakfast Book Club discussion that I just hosted on Donald Miller's book Through Painted Deserts. This morning we read the author's note, which illuminated the themes of leaving, change, and journey.We engaged in a rich discussion over baked oatmeal, as we each reflected on how catalytic the word 'leave' has been in each one of our stories. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing and that I need to continue to be open to be embrace change because it is God's way. 


The following words from Miller's book really struck me this morning:

" I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time to for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not read the same page recurrently" (p.x).

Last night, James and I had were blessed to hang out with Matt Horn and Kayla. Matt and James knew each other in college and reconnected long distance over this past year, fervently praying with one another. Their friendship is a gift from God and is a David/ Jonathan type of friendship. Matt and Kayla are recently engaged and entering a season of change as they get married and Matt moves to Chicago. Its inspiring to hang out with couples like Matt and Kayla whose lives testify to having hearts that say YES to do whatever God asks. They are hungry to know more of God and this level of hunger requires maintaining a posture of heart that is OPEN to change.

 Its very apparent that God's glory shows up in the presence of change. Abraham and Sarah answered the call to leave, Moses left behind his fear, David left his flock of sheep to battle Goliath and become King, the disciples left their fishing boats to follow Jesus....the Bible is packed full of stories of people who answered the call to leave, embraced the change, and in the process encountered God in a powerful way and were  transformed.

Getting married... moving to Wheaton... starting a new job.... starting graduate school...having James start a new job....joining a new church community......I don't think  I could possibly cram more change into one season! This is very stretching for a control freak, type A like myself. God is constantly inviting me to let go. In the midst of all these changes, God is the only thing that I can cling to and hold onto because everything externally around me is new and changing. 

My prayer is that our souls would remain fertile, that we would be open to answer to call to leave. I want to clarify that the call to leave is not limited to changing locations, but could be a call to leave behind a habit, a way of relating in a friendship, a paradigm in which we understand God.

Leave. Its a beautiful word. So strong and forceful. Its time to change..."to shine out!"

What's in a name?

[James] I can't wait to tell of this amazing story! Last night as I was fellowshipping with about 30 guys at Buffalo Wild Wings, I was having a conversation with a guy named Ben who was preparing to church plant in France with his wife. At one point he randomly asked me what my last name was. It was a random but not completely atypical question. I told him, "Racine". To which he replied, you know that means "Roots" in French? As in "to take root". Although I vaguely remember hearing this a number of years ago in Classe de Francais, the word has taken on a whole new meaning in mine and Katie's life as of recently.

So now, it is with even greater significance that we deem our blog "Rooted and Established in Love."

or... "Enracinés et Fondés dans L'amour"

Resolves for the New Year

(Katie) Happy Sabbath! I am still sick, even by my best attempts to rest. I am learning how awful I am at resting. Hopefully healing is on its way soon, before I go completely stir crazy. As I look outside, I am reminded that we are entering a new season. My "new" year if you will starts at the beginning of school year, rather than on New Years. As I've spent time praying and asking the Lord what He wants me to focus on this season, the Lord highlighted some areas to which I hesitantly accepted and then today during church, Jonathon's message confirmed that I've got some hard work ahead of me. Thank goodness for God's grace.

I want to encourage each of you to spend time praying into each of these values, "search me God and know my heart..." its a scary prayer to pray, especially in regards to the areas below.

1. HUNGER- stewarding a desire for more of God. Matthew 5:6 reveals that our hunger level is directly related to the extent of our filling. If you want more of God's presence in your life, we have to honestly ask ourselves, how hungry are you? Jonathon challenged us today to identify "hot coals" in our community, people who are hungry for Jesus and pursuing Him with their whole hearts. Going back to a previous blog, these are the kinds of people we want to yolk ourselves to in relationship. James and I desire to love whoever God puts in front us, however, we are only going to yolk ourselves in covenant with people who are hungry and radically pursuing after God. Finally, we were encouraged to feed our hunger...through prayer, worship music, community....be intentional about taking time in your day to pursue things that cause you to hunger more for God. My husband is an inspiration to me because every morning he starts his day in the prayer chapel next to our apartment on his knees before the Lord. I don't get any attention from James in the morning until he has spent quality time with God. James models for me what it means to be jealous of our time with God and the more time he spends with the Lord, his hunger increases. I am much more easily distracted in the mornings, but am grateful that my husband models for me the kind of intentionality and jealousy that I want to have with the Lord.

2. HUMILITY- "living as a learner, not an expert." We are called to be disciples and that word is translated as "learner." This is a definite area of growth for me in that while I love learning, pursuing my second Master's degree can often cause me to believe that I am well educated and have the answers. Are we (am I) humble enough to learn from those around us (me)? I think humility is also manifested when we are quick to apologize for both the pain we've caused others, both knowingly and unknowingly, and our actual offense. I don't know about you, but I want to become someone that cares more about the quality of my relationships than being right. I want to become someone who takes the initiative in asking for forgiveness and has a posture of heart that is willing to hear criticism. I am learning to take criticism before the Lord and ask Him what I need to learn rather than defending myself or assuming the other person is wrong. 


3. GRACE- "freedom from performance based religiosity: judgement, unforgiveness, and comparison." When Jonathon shared this definition this morning, my heart sunk as I think this is my biggest area of growth. Since most of us are more familiar with judging and unforgiveness, I want to focus on comparison. When we really understand the grace of God, I think we get to a place where we can genuinely CELEBRATE the uniqueness of someone else. No matter how gifted, beautiful, ___________, someone else is we can fully rest in knowing that we are absolutely LOVED by the Father in our own uniqueness. God's love is not a love of exclusion, but there is enough for ALL of us. We are not better or worse than others, because the truth is, we are ALL recipients of the gift of God's grace. I believe that community suffers when we focus more on others than on God. When you feel tempted to compare or judge another person, I am learning to pause and invite God into what is going on in my heart. Where is that coming from? What am I fearful of? What is the root of that? God made us and therefore knows us better than we know ourselves. Inviting Him into those moments will bring clarity and truth. 


Well, since this blog is getting long, I will wait to present the other values for another time. But I hope these first 3 are as challenging to you as they were for me to receive this morning. I think starting this new year off by going back to the basics is HUGE. I think we often try to focus on more complicated things when in actuality, the core values needed for a solid foundation are lacking. I am grateful to ACC and to be a part of a community that is resolved about hungering for more of God, being of a humble posture, and a community of grace.

Ever read one of those books...

[James] Have you ever read one of those books that as you read it, it is rocking you so much that you wish you could share it with everyone? While my wife has been busy keeping up the blog, I have been thoroughly invested in a book called "The Church Can Change The World."

About 11 years ago after being faithful to serving withing a mothering church, a movement called Antioch Community Church was birthed in Waco Texas. By that time Jimmy along with a committed core group of founders had been training and equipping church planters around the world including Scotland, Iceland, Bulgaria, The Netherlands, Russia, China and Siberia as well as church plants in the states. One of the church plants came to Wheaton Illinois where Katie and I found ourselves worshiping our first Sunday here in town. The book is on one hand the simple documenting of Jimmy Seibert and his community's journey and how he was led to begin such a movement, but on the other hand it is the story of God birthing revival in and around the world. 

I am not one to jump on board any movement too lightly without asking a million questions first. I have found myself enjoying the company of and serving within various churches and ministries in the past, but there has yet to be a time when I have found myself all in and sold out for a specific vision or a specific calling. I have walked with Catholics, I have served with Evangelicals, I have praised with Assemblies of God and I have studied among the Baptists. From each of these streams of faith comes a rich love for the diversity of the body and a desire for ecumenical worship and unity. 

I desired to read this book to understand the roots of this seemingly young movement and to understand why they are not specifically affiliated with any specific denomination. The Antioch Community Church has been deemed a cult and has come under national scrutiny for their methods. Many people consider them to be crazy. At first opening the book I wasn't sure if I was going to need to sit down and have a talk with my wife about why I believe we are not supposed to be fellowshipping with ACC, but I wanted to find out for myself. What I can say is that without a doubt, both from what I have experienced first hand as well as the testimonies  from friends and testimonies within the book, this kind of people, this tribe, and this breed of Christian is 100% legit, of God, pure, radical, Biblical, true and they have absolutely captured my attention.

In many ways it feels as though the longings of my heart for the church have been found. Mainly, they have been found because they are pure and unadulterated a pure commitment to Christ and the early church. I have been apart of many churches that are striving to be Acts 2 and churches that claim to be "Crazy" but you haven't seen anything until you hear these stories and testimonies. Whether it is a commitment to remaining debt free even in purchasing their buildings for worship, an equal distribution of salaries for all full time staff members from the greatest to least, 104 day prayer vigils as they wait expectantly for a move of God to release the captive missionaries held by the Taliban, sending out response teams to communities effected by natural disasters or holding to a commitment of prayer, fasting, life groups and evangelism, this portion of the church body is doing it! 

Many people laugh when they hear that Antioch is a Waco, Texas birthed church. This is the heart of conservative legalism, the Bible belt and the home place of national koolaid drinking cults. I had originally thought the same thing until I was reminded of John 1:46 when Nathanial said, "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" 

This book would rock anyone's faith who was willing to read it. I am not recruiting anyone to ACC and neither are they. I am merely hear to say that there is so much more for the church and I encourage you to take this journey of faith with me. I plan to reread the book again soon and I am already being challenged to implement the long forgotten principles of Christ and the early church. Principles that are primary, foundational and inexcusable for us in the modern day world. I pray that you and I will become a part of the Kingdom coming and that we will not ever look back upon our days and say, I wish I would have done more, risked more, or trusted Him more. If there is any reason for you or I not to read this book or to be challenged by our brothers and sisters of Antioch, it is because it would be too hard to face the gap between where we are and where God is calling His bride to be. 

I am facing that reality right now and, while I am freaking out, I am also so excited to throw myself into His arms and to dive head first into all it is that God has for us. Katie and I are so thrilled and thankful for ACC Wheaton, how they have reached out to us, committed to us and how they have modeled Kingdom living for us!

I highly recommend putting this book at the top of your to-read pile. But... don't take my word for it. 

Breakdown on I90: Strength Made perfect in Weakness

(Katie)


Bronchitis is going around Fischer Hall, infecting several members of our residence life staff. The last two days I've been feeling really sick and very weak. I am supposed to run a 1/2 marathon on Sunday and so feeling physically exhausted after walking up the stairs is not exactly where I was hoping to be 3 days before the race. Today was jam packed with my first paper due for graduate school, two one-on-ones, a Senior staff meeting, my first RA Selection Committee Meeting, and my weekly IN night. As you can imagine, not the ideal day when your body would like to stay in bed and rest. While I wish I could say that I confessed my need for Jesus at the beginning of the day, I immediately went into pride mode, made my to-do list and started operating on what little strength I had. It wasn't until I was stuck in traffic on the freeway, trying to get back for my IN night that my head started throbbing, my eyes felt heavy, and I started crying uncontrolably. I had come to my end. I had nothing to give AND I needed to be present and available to students for the next 4 hours. I called James but he was still at work. I called my mom and immediately got her voicemail. I was about to dial my friend Rachel when I finally realized I needed to talk God (dugh). I started talking out loud to Jesus in between snot and tears and the first thing I heard when I finally took a breath was "are you too good for my grace? You do not have because you do not ask." Conviction. Then a verse came to mind, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." I repented of my pride. Why is it so hard for me to bring my needs immediately to the Lord? I immediately felt compelled to start boasting in my weakness...my physical exhaustion, my Spirit of discouragement, my fear of inadequacy....and then I started declaring that Christ's power would rest on me. I love that image. Something powerful happens when we declare God's Truth over our circumstances. His Word does not come back void. 


A phrase from one of my worship songs says, "And step by step You'll lead me, and I will learn to walk in Your ways....


And step by step, God led me through my IN night....gave me the strength to lead NightWatch Training, blessed me with some amazing conversations with Meredith & Leslie... gave me joy watching G-Cam and James bond, and filled me up by letting me rest in His presence during Bro/Sis worship with Isaac & Pam's floors. His yolk is easy and our burdens feel light when we surrender to Him and acknowledge our need. 

Covenant Friendship

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23)

(Katie) First, a snap shot, as it is the common way our Senior Staff in Fischer describes moments of revelation from our life in a reasonable amount of time...


 A couple weeks ago, Ann and Michael, an incredible couple from our church, invited James and I over for dinner. A double date over dinner is a common experience among people our age. However, praying for and blessing each other's marriage after dinner is not so commonplace. After dinner, Ann and Michael spent 20 minutes praying over James and I individually, and then together as a couple. To have another couple who I had recently met pray so fervently for the deep desires that God has put on James and my heart for our marriage, for the vision of our ministry together, and for the specific season we are in was so refreshing, and quite honestly I didn't know how to receive it. Ann and Michael are so confident in their identity in Christ that they could genuinely celebrate all that God has done and is doing through James and I in this sweet season of rest and seeing the fruit of our labor. Their love for Jesus is so secure that there was no room for envy, jealousy, or bitterness. As I was being prayed over, one of them shared a vision of me that illustrated the deep sense of freedom I felt, being in the presence of God with my husband and a sister and brother in Christ, being able to fully be who I am in Christ with no shame, guilt, or fear of what others thought of me. As James and I drove home that night, we both praised God for incredible friends and how God ministers through them AND how sad it is that we have rarely experienced that with couples our age. 

I've always read the verse above from Proverbs in the context of a potential dating relationship. This Sunday at church, Jonathan implored us about the importance of covenant friendship and really guarding who we give our hearts to in friendship. The sad reality is that it is a rare thing to find friends, even more rarer to find a couple, that can genuinely rejoice with you for all that God is doing in and through you and mourn with you, entering into your pain during the hard seasons. The depths of our hearts must be guarded and out love for Jesus isn't an excuse for us to "throw our pearls" to people who are less secure and unable to treasure them. 

I am inspired by Ann and Michael. James and I really value prayer and building others up in the Lord. To see another couple radically live that out....to be blessed by their prayers....that is the kind of kingdom people we want to be. In this season, we are learning to redefine our understanding of friendship... the importance of mutuality and being equally yolked in the Lord with those that we journey deeply with and enter into covenant with. To develop discernment as to when we guard our hearts and when we let the walls down. 

Be anxious for nothing...

[James] It has been some days since I last posted something substantial. Much has been happening within me and all around me over the course of the past weeks. Katie, if you didn't notice, has been really consistent with the blog and I have really enjoyed her postings recently. I feel that it is now time to share with you some of what I have been experiencing personally and to give testimony to how good God has been to us in this season.

Our first week of moving to Wheaton we came upon a church that was nothing short of perfect for Katie and I. How we found this church in a city of hundreds of churches is only God. We prayed for a church and were led to Antioch Community Church right away. Since then we have been plugged in with an amazing small group, individuals who have asked and committed to discipling Katie and I, and more recently an invitation to a 6 week leadership initiative at the pastors home on Sunday evenings. During my first one on one with Michael, my discipler, he asked to hear my story and how we came to Wheaton. After hearing of the exhausting season that I am coming out of and now the sense of joy in finding Antioch he cautioned me of getting involved too far-too fast in ministry or a context of "pouring out". He told me that being in a ministry position on campus will be enough and that the truth is, I am more tired than I realize. It is evident from the feeling of "refreshment" that Katie and I both felt in coming to worship at Antioch each Sunday. I get the image of a dog coming in after a run and lapping up water. Unfortunately, we cannot hydrate our bodies nor our souls by chugging water or a dose of God on the weekends or once in a while now and then. Thus, I am realizing that it will take some time to get back to the place where I am back up and running so to speak.

This fall I am going to continue working toward my M.Div at Bethel, via distance learning. The process of applying to Wheaton, registering, determining that the majority of my credits would not transfer from Bethel to Wheaton and then re-registering at Bethel has been exhausting. I swear that I was either on the phone, emailing or meeting with departments for a week straight. Along with studying, I am beginning my new job on Wednesday at Wheaton Sport Center, PRAISE GOD! After a 3 month process, 3 interviews, a no, a yes to a part time position, and then a final yes to the original full time position, I have been officially hired as the most recent Membership Sales Associate!

A new season is upon me and there has been more change in this window of time than I have experienced in my life. God has given Katie and I more joy than ever in the process and reserve energy to endure. Both Katie and I are ready to be settled here in our home that truly feels like "home". I feel that after several years of striving and unrest God is calling us into a season of rest. I feel so thankful for the fact that I am now in a place where God is providing people to pour into me and a place where I feel that I will be poured into as much or more than I am pouring out. I know that the community we have found is going to be catalytic to Katie and I in this season, the effects of which I can only imagine.

Yet to be resolved is an ongoing issue that has been occurring in my body. For about 4-5 months now I have been experiencing an increasing amount of symptoms in my stomach that I cannot seem to pinpoint or diagnose the source of. As of late Katie and I are suspecting that it might be a food allergy. I am about 1 week into a gluten free diet. I might see a specialist soon if symptoms do not seem to improve. However because I am in between medical insurances right now, I am leery of seeking treatment as it very well could be considered a "preexisting condition". Both of my moms seem to think that all of it is due to stress and anxiety that I have been feeling from the unsettled state of my recent existence. Very possible! Some people carry stress in their back or shoulders... some carry it in their gut.

In closing I want to take a moment to define two specific words as I have come to understand them over the past several years.

REST: Although often used synonymously with relaxation or ceasing from work, cannot be fully defined as such. Rest is something that Christ calls us to in following Him, and yet if you have followed Christ for any length of time or have attempted to develop an interior life, you fully know that it is hard work. Rest is not a state of physical being; what my hands are doing or where my feet are taking me. Rest is rather an abiding place of heart. St Augustine says, "Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You." Rest is the place where your soul finds itself fed, nourished, full of breathing room, hydrated and tended to. When we get away from this place it becomes evident in our health, relationships with others, work, finances and discipline.


JOY: Although often used synonymously with happiness, cannot be defined as such. Happiness is a temporary state of emotion, one that is prone to change with exterior circumstances and feelings. Joy is an abiding place of heart, one which cannot be easily shaken. A person can experience immense amounts of joy even when coincidently experiencing pain, suffering, frustration, uneasiness, and persecution. This is a primary gift of the Spirit that is received upon obtaining an understanding of Christ and the unmovable power that comes with His victory over sin and death.

And so it is these tensions that I have been pressing into and finding great comfort in, and I pray that you do too; Joy in physical pain and uncertainty, and Rest in a coming season of work, school and ministry.

Labor Day Weekend

(Katie) I am still basking in the joy of such a fun Labor Day weekend. My sister Al and parents came to visit James and I in Wheaton. The timing of their visit was perfect as I've been missing having people here that know me. God's timing and ability to orchestrate things just when we need them is incredible. We rented bikes to tour the city, ate wonderful meals at Egglectic, Honey, and Ginnos East Pizza. Each meal was rich with laughter and deep conversation, the perfect blend in my opinion. We biked to Cantini Park, toured the antique shops, played card games, hot tubed, (heard some horrific sounds from 340)....just enjoyed one another's presence and shared stories. 

As I reflect on the weekend, I am in awe of God's heart for redemption and restoration. This past year was really hard for my family, but each of us, in our own way, chose to do the hard work necessary to grow and change. One of the gifts of this past year is that I know without a doubt how much each person in my family deeply loves, values and is FOR the the other family members. This past season has been one of much pruning and sowing seeds, and this past weekend, I could see the fruit of all of our labor. 

On Sunday morning, we went to church. The sermon focus on Isaiah 54:2:

"Enlarge the place of your tent,
       stretch your tent curtains wide,
       do not hold back;
       lengthen your cords,
       strengthen your stakes" 

This verse really struck me, especially as I looked around me, having James next to me and my mom, dad, and Al on both sides (Vid was there in spirit), that our family has been enlarged since I got married. In order to enlarge your tent, the verse says that it is necessary to lengthen your cord and strengthen your stakes. I never thought I would be grateful for this past season as it was painful, but, I think that my family's stakes were strengthened; we have clearly identified our stakes, the values and principles that are required to keep our expanded tent standing. A tent can only stand as tall as the stakes can go deep. I am grateful that our stakes go deep. Finally, this verse says, "do not hold back!" Part of what gave me the most joy this weekend, was watching my family love one another freely. That is how God calls us to love one another. I loved watching my nuclear family embrace James and James be so willing to invite my family into his life. I am SO grateful. As Nouwen says, in Christ, "our very pain is transformed from expressions of despair into signs of hope!"

Gratitude

(Katie) This morning I am full of gratitude.

• I  woke up next to my beloved husband- a man that knows all of my flaws yet loves me unconditionally.James is a daily reminder of God's grace and faithfulness.
• I am thankful for my sister Ali as its her birthday today...thinking of how she always blesses me with her contagious joy and selfless love. I am in awe of her heart for children and how God uses her to anchor children in their identity in Christ. She is coming to Wheaton tonight for the weekend with my parents and I can't wait!
• I am grateful for my job, specifically the students that I get to work with. I had my first two one-on-ones with 2 of the 4 RA's that I am mentoring. Both conversations were life giving and brought me much joy. Even though I am the 'mentor,' Thea and Leslie both taught me a lot yesterday and will teach me a lot this year.
• Last night, James and I hosted post rounds and I loved watching all the RA's pile into our apartment....stepping into the kitchen and hearing them connecting...playing Loaded Questions.....and at the end of the night, hearing some of them reflect on their Ebenezers from the week and how they saw God at work.
• One RA hung out until 1 AM, connecting with James about girls and matters of the heart =-) 
• Finally, grateful for the song 'Forever Reign' by Hillsong....the lyrics are journeying with me and its been playing on our IPOD constantly.....be blessed by these words today, hope they journey with you today:

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
 

To be grateful for the good things that happen in our lives is easy, but to be grateful for all of our lives---the good as well as the bad, the moments of joy as well as the moments of sorrow, the successes as well as the failures, the rewards as well as the rejections---that requires hard spiritual work. Nouwen says that we are only truly grateful people when we can say thank you to all that has brought us to the present moment. As long as we keep dividing our lives between events and people we would like to remember and those we would rather forget, we cannot claim the fullness of our beings as a gift of God to be grateful for. Let’s not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are and trust that we will soon see in it the guiding hand of a loving God.

For Those Who Have Ears to Hear

 

 "Now listen! A farmer went out to scatter seed in a field. While the farmer was scattering the seed, some of it fell along the road and was eaten by birds. Other seeds fell on thin, rocky ground and quickly started growing because the soil wasn't very deep. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched and dried up, because they did not have enough roots. Some other seeds fell where thornbushes grew up and choked out the plants. So they did not produce any grain. But a few seeds did fall on good ground where the plants grew and produced thirty or sixty or even a hundred times as much as was scattered.Then Jesus said, "If you have ears, pay attention" (Mark 4: 3-9). 

(Katie)  One of the many blessings of taking this job in Residence Life at Wheaton College is that I also get to be a graduate student in the Christian Formation and Ministry program. Since learner is one of my top 5 Strengths ( a plug for Strengths Finder), the classroom is a context that I feel very comfortable in. Even though I am only 2 weeks in, I am grateful at what a perfect fit the program is for me....I get to take the Ennegram for fun....and I get to read Park Palmer and Henri Nouwen for classs....what could be better? Today, I had Bible in Ministry and Dr. Schwanda opened our class with some startling statistics including:

• The % of born again Christians who get divorced is higher than non-Christians.
• The highest rates of domestic abuse occur in the Bible Belt.
• Born Again Christians spend 700% of their time watching T.V. rather than reading the Bible.
• Evangelicals are more likely to reject an African-American neighbor than Catholics or Mainline Christians. 
• 13% of born again Christians think there is nothing wrong with extramarital sex.

These statistics paint an ugly picture of the Church. I was appalled...who are these people?

I'll come back to this in a second. But first, I want to share something that I've been learning about marriage in the last month. Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3 was the main verse at our wedding and uses the imagery of being "rooted and established" in love. As God establishes the foundation in our marriage, we prayed into what we need to be intentional about in this season as we build a foundation. Here is what we got (1) To be quick to repent and ask for forgiveness..not just for words and actions...but the heart even for not having our heart be in the right place (2) to be QUICK to listen and slow to speak (3) Intentionally having a weekly date night and a Sabbath on Sunday. I want to focus specifically on #'s (1) and (2) as they both specifically relate to listening and hearing.

 

The parable in Mark 4 starts out with a command, "Listen!" Obviously, the author is declaring an imperative...this action is essential. The rest of the parable describes four different pictures of receptivity. I believe that this parable is about one person and the various ways in which we respond to Truth. Pride, busyness, bitterness, defensiveness, a hardened heart are all variables that prevent me from listening to God and being receptive to the ways that God uses James for my own refinement. I am learning a lot about my own sin nature, by the number of times I have to be quick to ask James for forgiveness throughout day. But, I am also learning that when I am receptive and willing to receive what James has to say or am quick to ask for his forgiveness, I do not sow seeds of bitterness or a hardened heart, both of which illustrate aspects of the hard, thin soil and the soil with weeds.

So back to the statistics....who are those people anyway? Well I definitely have the propensity to be one of those statistics. I am not above that. Evangelicals often pride themselves on being people of the Bible, but the question is are we actually faithful in living that out? Our we letting the Truth in the Bible penetrate deep? What is the condition of the soil in our hearts? 

Listening as a command sounds simple, especially compared to 'love your enemy' or 'your neighbor.' But can we do anything that we are commanded in the Bible without listening to God? As I practice living that out in marriage and in my own relationship with God, I am learning that it is hard work. It requires slowing down from a busy pace. Intentionality and discipline. Redefining and unlearning bad habits. "If you have ears, pay attention." I am praying that God would refine me so I become a woman that is faithful in listening.

A moment to rest my head...

[James] So much to write about. So much going on. I will love to tell about all of it soon. But for now, I need a chance to rest my head. It's been spinning!

Thank you one and all for prayers and support through this time. It is all coming together and falling into place.