My Walden Pond

 [James] At the age of 27, Henry Thoreau embarked upon a two year adventure, a journey of the soul if you will, into the heart of a not-so-primitive wilderness in Massachusetts.It was spending these two years on Walden Pond that ended up being his most definitive season. Here he would pen the words, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation."

But to understand, why he came to live on Walden Pond in pseudo-isolation and privacy, I share these words from his book, Walden. "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life..."

There are seemingly two approaches to "sucking the marrow out of life". I want to explore those two approaches briefly and explain why the former has, to me, become the antithesis of the first.

The first approach can be summed up by a T-Shirt. Upon arriving for my freshman back-packing/orientation trip in college we were handed Wild-MSU shirts with a quote on the back. "A large volume of adventures may be grasped within this little span of life by him who interests his heart in everything." (Laurence Sterne) The quote at the time seemed to have stirred a great deal of excitement and empathy for my wild-eyed, 18 years of age spirit; a perfect prescription for someone terminally ill and expecting to live for another 5-7 years. If the aim is to do nothing more than to "enjoy a great deal of things" this is a sure-fire approach. Along with the enjoyment of things comes seeing vast and various sights around the world, meeting wonderful and incredible people only to say good-bye days, weeks or maybe months later. This sort of life is wonderful, fast paced, ever-changing and "wild". A perfect combination for any 7 on the enneagram. (See the Enneagram Institute for more information) Along with this life is the promise that you will not have to stay committed to any one person, pursuit or passion for too long. By the time I was 24 I remember saying to myself that I had seen more in this lifetime than a thousand men in another. I had the distinct feeling that if I died the next day, I would be able to rejoice and say with absolute certainty that it had been enough.

A shift began to occur somewhere in this past year when I realized that the pace at which I was running was leading to utter ruin and if I was going to live past the age of 26, I was going to have to figure out a new strategy or continue in the same vein pace. I was beginning to feel like one of Jack Kerouac's roman candles, everybody was saying "awww" alright, but those "aws" might have well been sounds of sympathy, like the sound people in a car inevitably make when they see roadkill.

So, this brings us to the second approach. This past week my good friend shared with me a message series entitled "The Power of a Focused Life." The words and truth of which resonated deeply with the things that God has been whispering in the depths of my soul for the past season and a half. I have been asking God to reveal to me... I have been seeking and searching... I have been longing for, hoping for and moving toward what will become... my one thing.

Soren Kierkegaard writes that the saint is the person who wills the one thing. He also said this in regards to vocation, "To be true to himself in relation to this eternal vocation is the highest thing a man can practice, and, as that most profound poet [Shakespeare] has said: "Self-love is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting." Then there is but one fault, one offense: disloyalty to his own self or the denial of his own better self."

I believe that my life's calling will include a people, a purpose and a passion and that end only and always begins with prayer. I believe that God will eventually lead me to discover the ones whom my heart will break for, who now only exist as a place holder in my heart.

And so continues the process of refining my life and the practice of solitude; practical things like spending my first hour with God each morning, deleting my facebook account, reading at least one good book a month, and saying "NO" to busy-opportunities that present themselves daily.

As I spend this precious time with God, I am discovering new parts of His heart and new parts of mine. And as I am becoming ready and as the time is approaching-right, I trust and know that God has a response for me; it's a resounding "YES!"

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God." (2 Corinthians 1:20)