The Spiritual Discipline of Secrecy: Finding Security in God and Freedom from the Approval Game

"Don't do your good deeds publicly so that you will be admired, because then you will loose the reward from your Father in heaven." (Matthew 6:1)

(Katie) 


In the past week, I anonymously received a beautiful bouquet of flowers outside of my door, an anonymous note of encouragement in the mail, and came into the laundry room to find all of my laundry folded. These anonymous acts of love and encouragement really got me thinking about how often I do things so that people will recognize, notice, appreciate, and admire me. How often when I do the dishes, clean, or grocery shop am I doing these acts of service, secretly hoping that James will notice? Clearly, my heart is more focused on ME than on others.


How do you know if you are caught up in the approval game? The following questions can help you to honestly discern your motivation behind serving:


Do I ever feel disappointed when nobody notices my efforts?
Do I ever get upset when someone else gets the credit for my idea?
Do I ever find myself doing something so someone will think I am _____?
Do I ever sulk when my past achievements are forgotten or ignored?
Do I ever get upset when no one says, "Thank you?"


While this is not an exhaustive list, I think these questions reveal how deeply we desire admiration, praise, and respect and that perhaps, these are the driving forces behind our acts of service.


The spiritual discipline of secrecy cuts to the heart of why we do the things we do. In practiceing secrecy, we willingly choose to deny ourselves the credit. Secrecy frees us to love others freely, not just so they love us back. Secrecy frees us from conditional, tit-for-tat relationships. It frees us into a life of generosity and compassion. Secrecy frees us to serve with true humility because we serve before the audience of One. Furthermore, even if people recognize what we do, we learn to accept any recognition with easy grace. A simple thank you, or you're welcome is enough. If we get no such recognition, we did not seek it in the first place, so we are not upset.


So, today, I invite you to pray about one person you can anonymously love this week. God is very creative, so if you are struggling to find a way to act anonymously, I fully trust God will give you an innovative means.