Living in the Contradiction

(Katie) 


In the frenzy of finals, I overheard a conversation that absolutely broke my heart. I heard a voice of accusation, guilt, and shame being responded to by a voice of love, gentleness, and grace. How could someone persevere in responding in love to what I heard to be emotional manipulation? The fragrance of Christ was all over that conversation. From an objective perspective, the one who persevered in love sounded like a fool, refusing to defend oneself or point out the obvious fallacies in the other person's arguments. But, the fragrance of Christ was all over that conversation because "love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).


God is teaching me is that we are called to live in contradiction. My husband lovingly jokes that I am a very black and white thinker, which is unfortunately true and makes this lesson difficult for me to grasp. However, by living in the contradiction, I am learning that we become participants in the power and hope of Christ's cross. 


God has a profound way of weaving things together. I turn to poetry to escape in the midst of scholarly reading and writing. One of my favorite poets is Rilke, wrote the following words in Letters to a Young Poet:

Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart...try to love the contradictions themselves...do not now seek resolutions, which would not be able to be given because you would not be able to live them, and the point is to live everything. Live the contradictions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the resolutions.

As I study the Christmas story this year, I am amazed with all of the contradictions, some of which include:

• A Virgin giving Birth
• A King being born in a Manger where more animals witnessed his birth than humans
• Jesus' birth taken place in Bethlehem, a city "small among the clans of Judah" yet, from Bethlehem "will be the ruler of Israel" (Micah 5:2). 

If I were Joseph, I would have A LOT of questions for Mary, the angels, and God. I would want some kind of resolution and understanding before taking the trip to Bethlehem. I would probably resist living into the mystery. Yet, as I scanned the Bible for any sort of evidence that Joseph responded this way, I was pleasantly surprised that there is NO record of Joseph saying anything. Instead the Bible records Joseph listening and being obedient. Take a minute and let that sink in.


Joseph's response reminded me of the conversation that I over heard in which the person listened and was obedient to our call to love. I don't doubt that the person who persevered in  love had a lot of unresolved pain and questions in their heart. Yet, they still chose love. The conversation broke my heart because I realized that my natural response would not be that of gentleness and love. I love a God who contradicts the world, bringing light out of darkness, hope out of despair, life out of death. I pray that my life would start reflecting the character of God in that my response in situations would contradict that of what the world would expect. 

PS: My beloved mentor wrote me about this post and I wanted to add something that she said which is very important: "Love is patient, love is kind...the kind thing to do is to set Holy Spirit boundaries and value who you are in Christ." Obviously we all need to exercise discernment and recognize that if someone is being emotionally manipulative that perhaps, loving them well is modeling healthy boundaries! Thank you Vivian!