Come Away From....

"O my love, how beautiful you are! There is no flaw in you! Come away with me from from Lebanon. Depart from the top of Amana, from the peak of Senir and Hermon, from the lions' dens, from the mountains of the leopards. You have ravished my heart and given me courage, my sister." (Song of Songs 4:7-10)

I've planted myself in this passage the past week. Here are some of my observations:

The invitation to "Come away with Me," stands out, especially because the places which He is asking the Bride to depart from (Lebanon, the top of Amana, the peak of Senior) were beautiful places. My peak of Senir is Santa Barbara-mid 70's everyday, mountains, and ocean. Each winter, I ask myself why I ever left the heaven-on-earth climate. Take a moment to picture your perfect location. What feelings arise in you as you imagine being asked to leave? This invitation also requires the bride to leave her family and cleave to Him. Depending on your family background, you might also resonate with the difficulty of this requirement. My middle sister and I both got married this year, moved away from Minnesota, and experienced moments of sadness being far away from home. Because it would be difficult to leave such a comfortable setting, it seems that the Bridegroom intentionally sandwiches His invitation "come away" between bold declarations of His love for His bride to reassure her.

Beneath the request to "come away from" family and physical places of familiarity is a spiritual invitation. What are you being invited to "Come Away From" spiritually? Here are some of the things that came up for me. Notice that following each word, is a statement of how each word can become an excuse as to why I couldn't "come away." Pay attention to the excuses that are connected to each thing that God is inviting you to come away from.

Shame- "I can't come away because I am flawed.

Performance- "I can only come away if I perform well."

Fear- "I can't come away because I am afraid of actually being known and letting you see my flaws."

Self-hatred- "I can't come because I'm inadaqute."

People-pleasing- "I can't come because what if my decision disappoints my family and friends?"

In order to accept this invitation, we must reject the lies behind each of our excuses and replace them with the Truth of who God is and says that we are. First Corinthians 13 describes God's unconditional love and acceptance of us. To personalize this passage, I've replaced the word love with Bridegroom because God is love. Take time to recall the love and kindness of God, your Bridegroom. As read each line, ask God to show you if your perception of Him is in error in any way.

My Bridegroom is patient and kind.

My Bridegroom is not envious, never boastful.

My Bridegroom is not arrogant.

My Bridegroom is never rude, nor is He self-seeking.

My Bridegroom is not quick to take offense.

My Bridegroom keeps no records of wrongs.

My Bridegroom does not gloat over my sins but is always glad when truth prevails.

My Bridegroom knows no limit to His endurance, no end to His trust.

My Bridegroom is always hopeful and patient.

As we gain a more accurate understanding of who God, our Bridegroom, actually is and experience His unconditional love and acceptance, our excuses and hesitances from the list above dissipate.

Christlikeness or Clone?

(Katie) Last night, James and I hosted apartment tours in which the incoming freshman in Fischer come into our home to meet us. The evening is a bit intimidating in that 400 students analyze you and your home. There are hundreds of eyes watching you, which, for an introvert, is quite uncomfortable. Trying to focus on my simple introduction is challenging when I am easily distracted analyzing people's non-verbals. It is also humbling when students don't laugh at your jokes, not to mention awkward (still have a lot to learn from James in this area). At the end of each tour, there are always male students that flock to James- high-fives all around, ready to be his best friend. Duh, my husband is amazing. Female students, on the other hand, usually comment on the decor of our house, similarities in taste, and even though my jokes flopped, express interest in getting to know me.

At the end of the night, I noticed the temptation towards an inflated self-esteem from internalizing the students' flattering comments. As my mind was replaying the various words of encouragement, I suddenly heard the statement, BE CAREFUL, rise up in my Spirit. As a leader, I must constantly guard against the temptation to internalize the praise and affirmation of those following me. Whether or not you are in an official leadership role, you also possess influence over those around you and most likely have someone following you.

As I seek to steward my leadership for the Kingdom, I must continually ask the question, are the people following me looking more like Jesus or Katie-clones? We've all seen the extreme example of followers whose speech, blogs, pictures, and lifestyle mimic their leader. Unfortunately, their respect and honor for the leader has become distorted. They have lost their own voice and compromised living out the unique manifested presence of Jesus in them. I am weary of any Christian leader that entertains an entourage of clones rather than people becoming more Christ-like.

In my own life, I have the upmost respect for my mentor Vivian. I am drawn to and inspired by Christ-in-her. But, she has always encouraged me to be Katie. She celebrates and honors my unique God-given design.

As a leader, I must be secure enough in my identity in Christ to challenge any follower that would be tempted to become me or put me on a pedestal. I pray that my leadership would point people towards God and that I would bring them into an encounter Christ-in-them.

Solitude

"With the people I love the most, I can sit in silence indefinitely. We need both for our full development; the joy of the sense of sound; and the equally great joy of its absence."

I read this quote from Madeleine L'Engle this morning and it resonated with my experience-James and I sitting at opposite ends of our couch, sharing a blanket and coffee, separately immersed in the Word (Him) and alternating between books in my stack (Me). Like my mom, I cherish the sacredness of solitude and thankfully, James is like-hearted with me. After spending time in solitude and introspection, we share, we listen, we laugh, we accept. Our ability to share this sacred space together is something that I cherish about our marriage and even more, I take special delight in that James is also my best friend in whom I can play with the enthusiasm and whole-heartedness of a child. Both are important and gifts in our marriage.

On Love and Faithfulness

(Katie) I've spent the last two days interacting with and watching parents move their freshman children into college. On one level, its pure chaos. 600 students moving all of their belongings into a building simultaneously. But beneath the surface of Room Condition Forms, bed pegs, boxes, and room keys, I am struck by the love and faithfulness of parents. My parents, like so many I observed today, moved heavy boxes up flights of stairs, made multiple trips to Target, lofted bunk beds, executed the perfect furniture set up, and gave that essential impromptu lesson on how to do laundry =-). Unfortunately, I recognized myself in some of the students who failed to notice and appreciate these simple acts of faithfulness. How often do we fail to see and appreciate the faithfulness of those around us?

Faithfulness. What does it mean? Do we even value it in our fast-paced, image oriented culture? I understand faithfulness as "being there"- when and where you are needed in order to do what has to be done. Faithfulness is not flashy. It rarely gets lifted up. It is often not observable or even interesting. But "being there"- is something that my parents have been for me my entire life, regardless of circumstances. Faithfulness is incalculable and immeasurable. It is more valuable than diamonds. And, "being there" is of high value to God, even if it isn't to us.

Today, in the midst of the move-in chaos, I found myself rejoicing and giving thanks for faithful, sweaty parents. Although, like all of us, they aren't perfect, they can, in their role, point us to God by faithfully "being there" when needed. And when faithfulness occurs, my Spirit rejoices with gratitude because its rare and right, revealing the heart of God. And today, I am reminded once again how grateful I am for my parents' "being there" for me, freshman year college move-in and over the past 27 years of my life.

Who do you need to thank for "being there?"

Why my wife is a better looser than I am.

Katie challenges me to be an all around better person in a number of ways. This is one of the reasons that I have found marriage to be God's perfect plan for us to grow more into the likeness of Christ. When I was single, I was able to get along so much more selfishly and immaturely. I could be in a bad mood when I wanted to be in a bad mood, I could lose my cool when I wanted to lose my cool, and I could withdraw from people when I wanted to withdraw from people.

One of the ways that Katie has been challenging me and God has been humbling me has been in our tennis game. Katie has been playing tennis for a number of years and is a real Serena Williams... kind of. It has been truly fun to learn from Katie and to grow in my self control. Tennis has raised every kind of temperamental skeleton that has yet to be residing in my closet. Friends and family of mine will sometimes refer to my younger days when I use to lose my cool over video games and golf. I even deemed the nickname "Golfer James" by my brother Shawn.

Recently while playing tennis with my friend Aaron, I found myself beginning to blow off some steam. Aaron too was getting frustrated with himself. I was realizing that our competitive and stubborn natures were only playing off of each other and robbing us of the joy we should be having. As I found myself praying for the spiritual fruit of Self Control, I had the idea that every time I wanted to cuss or throw a racquet, I was going to immediately thank God for something or sing his praises. So, it started out painfully difficult. I had to force the words out of my mouth. Soon though, I found it becoming easier and easier to do. As I took my mind off of myself and my frustration with my lack of performance, and turned my eyes to the many blessings that I have received, I found myself to be free and full of joy!

Aaron and I had a great number of laughs as we were literally shouting out loud, "Thank you Jesus for trees!". The more frustrated I felt, the louder I would shout, "Hallelujah" at the top of my lungs. There were even some women near by in the park who, I am sure, were overhearing us. How good it felt to know that my testimony would be one of "crazy man praising Jesus" rather than "out of control soar-loser with a vulgar tongue". Soon, our whole tennis game turned around and we were having fun, encouraging one another and laughing at how ridiculous my a' cappella versions of  worship songs sounded.

I couldn't wait to bring back this revelation to the courts with Tennis. Although I had yet to win a whole set with Katie, I was determined to loose with Joy this time! Ironically, yesterday was the first set with Katie that I won. (I would say it was because she had run earlier that day and was tired from a long week.) Katie, in light of the results immediately congratulated me, encouraged me and celebrated my victory, WOW!

Thank you Jesus for Katie!... and trees.

Ever Present Shepherd

"The Lord is My Shepherd, I Shall Not Want" (Psalm 23)

I spent the past week in the woods of Northern Wisconsin at Honey Rock, a camp owned by Wheaton College. Each August, every Wheaton student leader gathers for an entire week of prayer, vision casting, play, and worship. Its incredible to be surrounded by 200 passionate campus leaders that are devoted to Jesus and serving the student body.

One facet of Honey Rock is an overnight adventure in the wilderness with your team. I confess that this is the day that I most dread. While my husband feels very "at home" in the woods, I am not as comfortable, especially when he isn't present. I feel safe camping with my husband because he is extremely capable. Since he wasn't able to come to Honey Rock, I found myself agonizing about the overnight. On the morning of the our overnight, I went for an early morning run and found myself praying that God would help me as I did not know how lead others in a context in which I feel incapable, inexperienced, and unknowledgeable. Secretly, I hoped God would answer my prayer by sending severe thunderstorms so the trip would be canceled entirely. Instead, God sent perfect weather and used Psalm 23 to assure me that He is my Shepherd and would fulfill my needs.

Instead of hiking, our team opted for a two-hour canoe ride to our campsite. As an avid runner, I can hike for miles, but I have no upper body strength! I started the trip very aware of my weakness as I took frequent breaks from canoeing while my students showed incredible endurance. As the discomfort in my arms increased, I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that the campsite would be familiar. Our team camped there last year. It was a typical campsite, with a cleared area for tents and the campfire. The setup was quite simple. I started feeling more peace as I saw our campsite in the distance when much to my surprise, our canoe stopped on the shores of a bluff. Change of plans. We would be camping on the bluffs this year. As we unloaded the packs and ascended the hill to the campsite, I was shocked to discover that our "campsite" was the forest. There was no space cleared for a campfire or tents, instead, there were bushes and trees everywhere. Perhaps this was a mistake. While I had no vision for how we could create a campsite, some of my students suggested that we could flatten some ferns and set up tents on top of them. This took my camping experience to an entire new level and thus, way out of my comfort zone. I appointed one of my students as the leader and she proceeded to teach myself and four other female RAs how to set up a tent. An hour later, it was incredible to see how this wooded area had been transformed into a campsite with 4 tents and a beautiful fire pit. Furthermore, we did not see any mosquitoes which is unheard of, especially being in the woods.

The overnight revealed that I find too much comfort and safety in feeling strong, capable, and adequate. I often despise my weakness. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, does not despise my weakness. My weakness stirs His compassion. He yearns to help. Rather than struggling to disguise or deny weakness (my tendency), God wants us to come to Him when we are weak and weary. As I learned on my overnight, God desires to richly bless us through our weakness, revealing that He is our ever-present Shepherd.

My Role in Ministry

This afternoon, the 12 Fischer Resident Assistants (RAs) arrive! I've eagerly anticipated their arrival all week as we've prepared the building, created welcome posters, and finalized training schedules.

As I've prayed into this year, the verse that I am praying for myself is Isaiah 61:

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
² to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor.

While these verses are packed with active verbs, it is crucial to make a distinction between my role and God's. It is my role to declare, in faith, God's goodness. God takes action. God is the Good News. God binds the broken hearts. God releases the captives, setting them free.

I am learning that my role in ministry is to identify with others' pain, not relieve it. Only as I embrace my own brokenness can I enter into others' pain. Ministry is therefore, sharing, not dominating; understanding, not theologizing; caring, not fixing.

My prayer is that as each of us respond to the urgent crisis' of others, that we do not neglect the essential- God is the Good News. He binds the brokenhearted. He releases the captives into Freedom. We are called to enter in, identify with, and proclaim the goodness of God as Healer, Redeemer, and Prince of Peace!

Come Out of Hiding

I recently read this caricature of a people-pleaser: "She assumes whatever strong personalities she meets up with. She is a chameleon. She changes color, accent, shape, as the world about her changes. She has no ideas or opinions of her own; she simply conforms. She wants only to be safe, to fit in, to be accepted, to be liked."

As I read this caricature, I recognized myself in it. Particularly the need to feel safe. I believe the desire to feel safe is God-given. God desires that we find our security in Him. He promises to be our Refuge. For most of us, we do seek our security in Christ until it is threatened. The moment we feel insecure, we choose to self-protect. Self- protection manifests itself in a variety of ways such as sarcasm, an obsession with maintaining a glittering external image at all costs, or, even the subtle ways, we avoid direct communication in relationships and instead hedge, waffle, procrastinate, or remain silent out of fear of rejection. Does this sound familiar?

In my life, the more I receive God's unconditional love for me, the more able I am to trust Jesus, allowing Him to remove the shroud of perfectionist performance that I often hide behind when I feel insecure.

It is important for each of us to know how we manifest our insecurity and how we feel when we are safe, secure in Christ's love for us. We want to move toward security in Christ, choosing to live out of this Reality daily.

For me, when I am secure in Christ, I believe in my heart that God likes and accepts me completely as I am. When I feel safe, I don't have to hide or distract myself with books, music, ice cream or working out. I am comfortable with His light shinning into my darkest places. I can live in the present moment, not escaping into the past or projecting into the future. When I am secure in Christ, I am at peace, not nervous or jittery. I do not need to impress or dazzle others to feel accepted. I do not seek attention from others in order to boost my self-esteem. I am calm, unafraid, not anxious about what happens next or how others perceive me.

My own journey has taught me that only when I am secure with God do I feel safe in my own skin. God created us to desire a security that only He can fill.

Adventures with an Air Mattress

(Katie)

Its been a while........since our last post we:

• Spent a week in Minnesota
• Celebrated our 1 year anniversary with 300 family members & friends eating gelato and dancing
• Saw U2 in concert
• James bare foot water skied for the first time
• Thanks to our family and friends' generosity we Pottery-Barreled our apartment and got entirely outfitted at REI for an upcoming Fall adventure!
• I started my 2nd year as a Graduate Resident Assistant (GRA) at Wheaton College

As I transitioned from Summer mode back into my job, I felt surprisingly comfortable. I've graduated from being the person perpetually lost on campus trying to find different buildings to successfully navigating my way around campus. I no longer have to look up each Residence Life acronym (SRC, BGC) but they are now part of my daily language. Our home is established. Its my refuge. I also no longer feel tossed to and fro by the rhythm of Residence Life, but have grown in my ability to be adaptable and available. It feels good to feel competent and comfortable. Perhaps too good, which is perhaps why God needed to remind me that I'm still desperately dependent on Him. This is where the air mattress pictured above enters the story.

The day I successfully cleaned, organized and Pottery-Barreled our entire apartment, I learned that we had to move out the next day for an entire two weeks. Summer projects in our Residence Hall resulted in the loss of air conditioning, hot water, and electricity for two-weeks. In one phone conversation, I went from feeling settled-in to nomadic. I had one day to pack the essentials for our move. As a high J on Myers-Briggs, I don't do unplanned change very well, so all I could pray was "God, HELP!"

As I packed, I found myself looking at some pictures of James in Africa, sitting with some orphans in the dirt, each person full of joy. In contrast, I was sitting on the comfortable carpet of my apartment, anxious and overwhelmed. Compared to the reality of the beautiful faces in that photo, James and I would have AC the next two-weeks to survive the 90 degree heat wave. We would have the comforts of electricity and hot water. These three realities are more than what 90% of the world lives with.

How do we cultivate thanksgiving in the midst of circumstances that disrupt our sense of comfort? How do we open our eyes to see the reality of the big picture, when we are stuck in the details?

My husband models that thanksgiving is a choice. We can choose joy and a ready sense of humor as we enter into the adventure of eating with plastic silverware and sleeping on an air mattress..even when the pump dies half-way through trying to inflate it =-) We can choose to receive this invitation to learn that God is ultimately our Comfort and our Shelter. Whatever unforeseen circumstances you find yourself in this upcoming week, I pray that you would enter into them with thanksgiving and joy! Perhaps, you will discover, as I did this morning, that God provides all that we need AND contentment and peace is available through Christ in all of our circumstances...we must choose to receive it!

I love the way you love her...

One of the greatest Joys for me as a husband is to see other people love my wife well.

This past year, in midst of some very large transitions, God has provided some incredible friends and community for Katie and I. Specifically, I have been so honored and refreshed to see women invest in and become interested in the life and well being of Katie. Katie has at times shared with me that she can feel unknown and misunderstood. No matter how hard I try to understand, know and pursue my wife, I have limits as a man, as a husband, and as a person. Praise the Lord that God has not called me to be everything for my wife; although I have to admit there are times when I try.

I can't tell you the joy that it brings me to watch other women draw Katie out, affirm her innate beauty, admire her giftings, trust her heart, and share in her joy, pain, sorrow and laughter. I love to watch Katie in conversation with people when they finish each other's sentences, exclaim in the truths that are being unearthed, and when they even cry with each other. How cool!

I will also say, because I know the same is true for me with my friends. When a person feels known, in general, when a person feels supported, and when someone's life speaks to another, "You are not crazy. You are not alone. I enjoy you." There is a great deal of peace that permeates through all of that person's relationships. I know that Katie often times doesn't understand me. Let's admit it, I can be a complicated being. But the beauty is, she doesn't have to! And when I take that pressure off of her, there is a lot more opportunity to get to know me because we are both at peace in the process.

So thank you to all of you who have taken the time to get to know my wife. She, I know, appreciates it, and so do I!

Which direction does your life point?

Recently, my husband received a compliment that stuck with me. My friend said, “James’ life points UP.” Four simple words revealed the primary purpose of my husband’s life: God glorified. This compliment caused me to ask the question which direction does my life point?

This week, a friend received the opportunity of a lifetime- go to Hillsong, Australia for 11 days to attend a worship conference. All expenses paid. This is a worship leader’s dream come true. For most of us, this would be an immediate Facebook “status” update. Not for my friend. His life is not about inflating his own self-importance.

A couple weeks ago, another friend announced that the focus of her blog was going to be about highlighting other people living radically for God. Sara quit her job, sold most of her belongings, and said goodbye to family and community in order to move across country to Las Vegas to help plant a church. I'm sure that is the definition of radical, yet, she is choosing to exalt the faithfulness of others, rather than herself.

On Saturday morning, I went on an hour run with a new friend. She initiated asking me intentional questions about my life and took time to hear my heart. She simply listened more than she spoke about herself. The focus did not have to be about her in order for her to be content.

I have a friend whose FB status always points others to Christ in the form of verses or inspirational quotes. This is a stark contrast to majority of statuses which exalt self, focusing on my life, what I did for date night, and who I spent time with.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself; but thinking of yourself less often. These people, in different contexts, think about themselves less often. Their life points towards something other than themselves. Which way does your life point?

The Wilderness

I will never forget when the Lord spoke to me through the prophet Hosea: “I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her heart” (Hos 2:14).

I was camping in the bush of Zambia and awoke before the sunrise. I was desperate and needed to hear from the Lord. The physical desert surrounding my tent symbolized my spiritual season. I came to Zambia to love orphans and widows, expecting to feel near to God. Instead, God seemed distant and silent. My grandpa passed away. My heart was broken after an expected breakup. I felt alone, far away from any sense of security: no friends, no leadership titles, no activities, no boyfriend, no grade point average, no makeup…nothing. I felt completely void and for the first time in my life, I could not deny my powerlessness. Jean Vanier says that it is precisely here, in my place of poverty, that “God meets us and speaks to our hearts.”

I had been in Zambia two months at this point. God was at work, initiating a process in which He removed anything and anyone that became an idol in my life; things and relationships that I worshiped in the place of God (Hos 2:17). This process began at the Amsterdam Airport when my IPOD got stolen while I was sleeping and continued when I arrived to Zambia only to discover that my bag of makeup and ‘fashionable’ missionary clothes could not be found. I had minimal email access and therefore maintaining relationships was challenging. A part from things and relationships, I had to be stripped of certain attitudes and beliefs: efficiency, know-how, giftedness, and a deep sense of pride/ fix-it mentality from a Christian College education. In retrospect, I know that this process was God’s grace and loving-kindness towards me. God wanted me to know that He loves me just as I am, not as I would like to be or be perceived (the gifted, efficient, talented, and strong Katie).

The final promise of God to Hosea is betrothal- a covenant with God. It says “I will betroth you to me in faithfulness; and you shall know the Lord” (Hos 2:19-20). You shall know. This is not some intellectual knowing, but a knowing that comes from a personal experience with God’s presence and love. We tend to think that it is impossible for God to love us as we are today. We feel we are not worthy of that love. But, that morning in Zambia, I heard God say “I love you just as you are. You can stop pretending to be strong when in fact you are heart broken. You are safe in my love. You can stop trying to hide your fear, your sense of rejection, and weakness from me. You can take down your mask of having everything in control. I love you, just as you are.”

As I read God’s promise to Hosea, I felt reassured that God still wanted a covenant relationship with me-failures, gifts, fragility, and strength. I believe that He offers you the same invitation.

The wilderness was God’s grace to me. He led me there so that I could understand how much I am loved and known a part from my friendships, GPA, leadership positions, 5K time, and beauty. Take time to listen to God. Hear Him say “You are beloved.”

Saying NO

I've had to say "NO" a lot this year and I'm wondering why its so hard.

I try to walk with God and ask Him where He's leading as I make decisions. I'm becoming more secure in who God has created me to be, which brings a lot of clarity to what I'm not supposed to be about. But, I still find myself flinching, sometimes freezing inside when I have to come to a decision and the decision is "No." "No, I can't help you." "No, I can't come." "No, I don't have time to hang out." "No, I can't take this call right now."

Why is it so hard to say No?

Is it because I grew up watching others that I really respected and love carry unhealthy burdens and therefore, felt obligated to take care of others in the same way?

Is it because of people-pleasing?

Is it because I want people to like me, and I'm afraid they won't if I say No?

Is it because I fear that I'll miss the will of God, that He is in this or that request and I'm afraid to blow right past something that He is in?

Its probably D, all of the above. But, I think the common thread is that I want others to think well of me.

This mindset reveals how important it is for me to find my validation in God. I find it very hard to navigate the needs and demands of a broken world. Jesus says that "the poor will always be with you," which means that there will always be more need than I can meet. Nouwen says that if I don't first find my validation in the voice that calls me the beloved, I will "run around begging for affirmation, for praise, for success. And then you're not free." I'm learning that my inability to say "No" signals that I am not living freely and am instead, looking for affirmation from people rather than God.

God promises that His yolk is "easy" and His burden is "light." A part from Him, I am quick to either carry burdens that He hasn't asked me to carry or, I try to carry them in my own strength. Both of these responses cause weariness instead of God's promise of REST (Matthew 11:13). I need to daily ask God how I'm doing in this area as when I loose sight of this, I can quickly make a mess of things.

11 Months Later

This picture was taken 11 months ago on our wedding day. It captures the mutual delight between James and I. Although many people joked that our 'honeymoon' stage would inevitably come to an end, 11 months later...after moving to Wheaton, starting new jobs, graduate school, adjusting to the 'unique' rhythm of Residence Life, and immersing ourselves in a new community...walking out 3 of the 4 top stressors....the delight that I have for James has only deepened. The face of God in James is steadfast, passionate, the fullness of joy, a lover of people, strength manifested in meekness, and a deep wealth of wisdom to name just a few. I am grateful that each day, I encounter the face of God in James in new and profound ways.

Jean Vanier's words describe our 11 month journey best:

“We are called to an even greater love, to become one with each other.

This is something totally new, it is an openness and tenderness to one another,

That flows from the deepening transformation of God.

Together, one in God, because God is in the other.

This is the friendship of lovers, when the bride and bridegroom become one,

And together giving themselves to God and others.

In love each one is unique and precious;

Each one has his or her own place;

Each one receives and each one gives;

Each one has a grateful heart;

There are no more barriers

Each delights in the other;

Each is a delight for the other;

Because in each one is seen the face of God."

Vanier defines love as "revealing to someone his or her own beauty." How do you see the face of God in your spouse, closest friends, or family members? Marriage has invited me to fully embrace the transformative power of living life out loud, in the daily presence of another, graciously accepting a 'this is me' perspective, sharing my brokenness and accepting the love, forgiveness, and communion that can only be found in the presence of another. The picture above illustrates our posture in marriage- we have chosen to approach life together, face to face, with strength and in love, as we pass through the joyful and painful moments that life throws at us. Life tries it best to divide us, but 11 months later, we still stand, together, face to face, recognizing the face of God in the other, grateful for the fullness of grace that God has poured out on our marriage.

FREEDOM

(Katie)

An attribute of Jesus that I've been intrigued with this past week is how He always invited people to engage in the healing process, even when their need was obvious. He asked a blind man, named Blind Bartimaues, "What do you want Me to do for you?" And of course, Blind Bartimaeus answered, "I want to regain my sight." Why did the Lord ask such an obvious question? Or, why when He approached the lame man at the Pool of Bethesda, who had been waiting for 18 years, hoping to catch the angel stirring the water, did He ask, "Do you wish to get well?" Again, another obvious question. Why did Jesus, a man whose healing ministry had a 100% success rate stop and ask questions that have seemingly obvious answers?

Isaiah 61, my life verse, says that Jesus came to "proclaim freedom for the captives (v.1)!" Jesus came for my freedom. I believe that Jesus honors our freedom and therefore, through asking a question, empowered Blind Bartimaeus to choose his freedom.

This past week, I've been inspired by some women who are choosing freedom- freedom from fear, control, low-self worth, and comparison. They modeled courage and humility as they named the deep places in their life that are in need of healing. They chose to take off the cloak of shame and guilt. Shame is the voice that says, "You didn't fail; you are a failure." You didn't make a mistake; you are a mistake!" Shame leads us to believe that our poor behavior is really flowing from who we are, which directly attacks our identity. When shame takes root in our hearts, we feel safer keeping the "broken spot" concealed. When our trust is low, anxiety is usually high. When anxiety rises, we morph into self-preservation mode, trying to protect ourselves.

It takes a safe place to expose a vulnerable place, an area that needs healing. We need safe relationships, in which no matter the size of our mistakes, safe people will boldly declare, confirm, and reveal our true identity as sons and daughters of the King of Kings. The truth of our identity in Christ renounces the lies that say "you are a failure" or "you are a mistake" or "you are unloveable."

Jesus came to set us free from the shame, guilt, fear, and self-hatred that easily entangle us. God desires for us to live from a place of His unconditional love and acceptance 100% of the time. God approaches each us asking, "What do you want me to do for you?" His perfect love frees us from the need to hide, which prevents us from responding whole-heartedly to this question. Freedom is available. Thanks to some courageous women in my life, I'm inspired to go for it with God.

REST

(Katie) God is so good! As James and I prayed about our Summer, we felt that it was to be a time of rest, renewal, and joy! During the Summer, we still live in our apartment, even though the Residence Hall is empty. I have found it challenging to learn how to rest in our apartment because it is the same space that I have challenging student care conversations.

A couple weeks ago, we were invited to house/puppy sit for a week in this beautiful Anne of Green Gables meets Victorian house in downtown Wheaton! Wheaton is known for its beautiful front porches and of course, this home has one, perfect for morning coffee, devotions, and any good book.

A part from being completely spoiled by a shower with 5 faucets and a Jacuzzi, the house also includes Brutus, an English Bull Dog. Before Petland closed, many of you know that I used to find any excuse to go there and hold the English Bull Dog puppies. Brutus is sweet, fun-loving, a total cuddler, and a great companion on the Prairie Path. And, he still carries his blankey around.

I am amazed at how God provided exactly what I needed (in a space) to slow down and refrain from my go-go-go pace of life. Rest is just one of the ways that we receive life from God. We stop, set all of our busyness down, and allow ourselves to be replenished. Rest is supposed to happen regularly, weekly in fact, based on the original Sabbath prescription. Why does a week-long stay in this beautiful house feel like such a luxury?

Perhaps its because I do not regularly stop and ask God, Is this what you'd have me do, Lord? I assume that God wants me to say "YES" to volunteer at church, pursue another new friendship, work late.. fill in the blank. I work really, really hard, resurrect a short vacation, and then try to do it all again. This thinking is prideful and madness. The truth is that my pushing and striving cut me off from the life I so desperately need. God loves me too much to leave me to my own devices of busyness and drivenness.

Psalm 91 says, "The Lord is my Shepherd....I shall not want. In green pastures He gives me rest. Besides quiet waters He leads me. He restores my soul." I'm reminded again how much I need a Shepherd. Without Him, my pace of life is too busy. When I choose to follow my Shepherd, he sets my pace of life. He ensures that I find the pasture. This lifestyle of following the Shepherd is a choice. However, I continue to learn that each time I choose to follow, I always receive life, rest, refreshment, and peace from God. What is the life that God wants you to live?

Below: Brutus....my picture of fully embracing REST!!!

Be Willing to Have a Look

(Katie)

Last Thursday night, I attended my Minnesota church! At the beginning of the service, my pastor prayed over me and said, "Katie, tonight, the Lord wants you to know that you are worthy."

This simple phrase penetrated deep into my heart. As I received the phrase, I realized that my natural tendency was to reject the statement as false. However, something about being worthy resonated in my heart and clicked.

I have a tendency to push through these moments and avoid them. I don't want to go there. I don't want to know what inside of me is refusing to receive the truth that I am worthy. But again, I felt a strong prompting in my heart to be willing to have a look.

I believe that my response of avoidance is quite typical to how most of us deal with our internal life. We sense rumblings beneath the surface, and we don't want to go there or we tell ourselves that we will do it later. In my experience, "later" is an excuse to avoid it and it never happens.

Now is the time. I knew that God was inviting me to receive healing in this area of my heart. Although it can be scary to look at our pain and wounds, I am learning that God deals tenderly with our hearts. As I sat there, God brought me back to a specific experience in which I was really hurt. At the time, the pain was too much for me and so I shoved it down to try to get away from it. In the process, my heart came to the conclusion that I am not worth it. At the time, I was not even aware that I made that agreement. Although this agreement was subtle, it pinned my heart down in this particular area making it difficult for me to feel the love of God.

I found myself praying through this experience in my past and inviting Jesus into it. It was extraordinarily redemptive. I think that God invites us into this process more often than we realize. He'll bring something up that will trigger a memory- we might see a friend, have a dream, visit a particular place, and we are brought back to some period of our life. In those moments, invite Jesus into that period of your life. As painful as it may be, linger there. Allow the Spirit to show you what to pray. It is a powerful thing to redeem the past, inviting Jesus into it, giving it to Him, letting Him heal or affirm or cleanse or redeem an experience.

I believe that God wants us to be whole people. Healed. Restored. Made whole. Be willing to have a look at your past. Invite Jesus in. Now is the time dear friends.

Katie Isn't

(Katie)

I recently was invited to speak about my experience working alongside and ministering to college students. A friend got up to introduce me. He said to the audience, "I'm going to tell you what Katie isn't. She isn't a philosopher. She isn't a teacher. She isn't a scholar..." I felt somewhat mortified hearing all the things that I wasn't. Each isn't statement initially hit directly on my own questions of worth. For example, as a gradate student, aren't I supposed to give the illusion that I am scholarly?

As I reflected on each statement, I realized that my friend's unusual introduction was wise and correct. In naming what I am not, he brought surprising clarity and revelation to who I am. His introduction emptied me of all these false identities that I try to be. Perhaps, we could each use an emptying of identity now and then (maybe not in front of an audience).

My friend's introduction reminded me of Rob Bell's Art of Elimination from the Drops Like Stars tour, still to this day, one of my favorite dates that James' planned. Bell explains that great artists know that it isn't just about what you add; sometimes the most important work is knowing what to take away. Removing clutter, excess, all the superfluous elements and in the process, discovering what's been there the whole time.

My friend's introduction helped to name and eliminate the unnecessary and superficial identities that I've added to myself. I felt immense freedom as my false identities were stripped off and eliminated. As I got up to speak, the audience saw my true form: I am a counselor. I am drawn to the brokenhearted and find joy in helping people walk in the freedom from the things that hold them in bondage. I delight in seeing the unique potential in people and releasing them into their destiny. That's who I am in my truest form.

James and I are in a season of emptying ourselves of any false identities or masks that we've added over the past 27 years. In the book of John, Jesus asks Peter, "do you love me more than these?" I believe that God invites each of us to honestly assess if we love the false selves and masks that we've added more than Him and the original form that He created us to be.

Considering who you are not, may give you surprising revelation of who you are!

The True Gentleman way...

One of my favorite surprises about marrying Katie was when I discovered that her dad, uncles and cousins all were alumni of the same social fraternity that I was in during College, Sigma Alpha Epsilon. The first time I met Bruce, I greeted him with the SAE handshake. We had a good laugh.

Although most people are surprised to hear that I was a "frat-boy", I have nothing but fond experiences in the fraternity. Although I was only active for 2 years before my outside curricular activities brought me in other directions, it was during this time that I met some incredible men of faith as well as men of folly. Yet, of all the shenanigans that take place within fraternal life, there are some great nuggets of gold that still remain from the high intentions of the founders. The founding fathers of most social fraternities were men of faith and strong character. Their greatest pursuits were ones of academic achievement, philanthropy, athletics, chivalry and character.

My pledge class was an incredibly diverse class of 13 random students ranging from ranchers, Marines, preps, jocks and me, the hippie-musician.One part of our pledge process was memorizing The True Gentleman Creed. It was these words that we were encouraged to live by.

To this day, these words still stick with me. I found myself reflecting on them recently and wanted to share them with you.

"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."

John Walter Wayland
Virginia, 1899

The greatest challenge I have found in this charge is the tension of "speaking with frankness" while also being someone who "thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own." I am finding that typically when I speak frankly, I hurt other people's feelings. Yet, I do not believe that saying nothing in the hopes of saving face and being polite is the best alternative.

Anyone master this one yet?