Clothed in Compassion

(Katie) 


As I mentioned in my previous blog, I spent the last week in Arizona with my family. For the first time, our circle of 5 expanded to a circle of 8 to include James, John, and Taylor. I feel blessed in that our circle is rich with the addition of these quality, godly men. I don't know many men that can navigate our female dominated family's banter and singing escapades...deep, intentional conversation about matters of the heart...and our competitive love of games and all athletic endeavors. Not an easy combination!  Throughout the week, I enjoyed observing and engaging in conversations with my sisters about why they admired and were attracted to their significant other. The joys of being in love!


James and I also celebrated 5 months of marriage on Christmas Day. The busyness of Christmas unfortunately did not always bring out the best in me. 5 months into marriage, I am learning that James has committed his life to a woman who may be ideal in some areas AND he has committed his life to an imperfect being. Both are true. The Bible says that "there is no righteous person on earth who does right and never sins" (Ecclesiastes 7:20). Therefore, the reality is that we can expect failure from even the best people in our life. 


So the question becomes "what then?" What do you when your spouse fails you in some way or is less than you wish for them to be? What happens when she has a weakness or a failure? What about an unresolved childhood issue that they bring into the relationship?


Other than denial, we can choose to beat up our spouse for their imperfections or we can love it out of them. The Bible says that "love covers a multitude of sins" ( I Peter 4:18). The truth is that no failing is larger than grace. No hurt exists that love cannot heal. Nothing can permanently destroy a relationship as long as forgiveness and repentance are in the picture.


As someone who holds myself to extremely high standards and has a loud internal critic, I am realizing how often I wrongly project my own standards onto James.  I am learning that I  must learn to forgive what is inferior to my "ideal" standard. When we begin to think that we are "above" someone else's sin, we are in BIG trouble. I think the more we are familiar with our own sin and recognize our own desperate need for grace, the more we are able to extend grace to others.


I absolutely struggle with pride and can find myself believing the lie that I am a superior person. However, this is not the case. I am James' wife, not his judge. I am called to enter into the healing process. Even if I am in a stronger position, God never uses His power to hurt or to inflict guilt or shame. He uses His strength to extend compassion, love, grace, and forgiveness. As Paul states, we are invited to "clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience" (Col 3:13). 


Instead of hardening our hearts every time we are disappointed with someone, what if we chose to clothe ourselves with kindness, compassion, humility, gentleness, and patience? 


Hardness of heart is the true relationship killer. As Jesus said, failure is not the cause of divorce, hardness of heart is (Matthew 19:8). Therefore, tenderheartedness is imperative.


I came across this quote from another hero of mine, Jean Vanier:

 
"To be in communion is to be with someone and to realize that we actually belong together. Communion means accepting people as they are with all their limits and inner pain, but also with their gifts of their beauty and their capacity to grow, to see the beauty inside all the pain…To love someone is to reveal to them their capacities for life, the light that is shining in them…We are a Eucharistic people which means we are a people of thanksgiving who realize we are prodigal sons and daughters.”

May we enter this new year as people clothed in compassion, humility, gentleness, and patience.